I can not begin to tell you the range of emotions I have felt since this sad and tragic story broke.
First of all, we have close personal friends who adopted three children from Russia. The children were two brothers and a sister ranging in ages from six to eleven. This was more than a decade ago. None of the children spoke english and the adoptive family did not speak Russian. To say it was difficult from the beginning would be accurate but would not really give you any sense of what life was like for the adoptive children or the adoptive family. I must say that I truly admire the adoptive family. The children posed more than cultural challenges. But I think that most people fail to step back and try to look at things through the eyes of adoptive children. Really think about that for just a minute. They have hopes and dreams too. They want to be love and accepted. They want to be safe and to feel secure. They want some sense of belonging. They want to not have to worry about their day-to-day life… where will they live? Who will they live with? What will they wear? What will they eat? Just imagine not having any control over a single aspect of your life. Is it any wonder that many adoptive children are less than what adoptive parents dream of adopting?!
Can I just get real. When I heard about the mother sending that young Russian boy back to Russia… alone on that long plane flight and then a two-hour ride with a stranger to his final destination it made me so angry that if there were absolutely no consequences what-so-ever (legal or spiritual) I would find that woman and beat the living crap out of her!! Seriously. But fortunately for her I am bound by legal restraints and (most importantly) spiritual edict. And yes I know that since I even had the thought… Forgive me Father. Thank You.
I think there are a whole lot of adoptive parents who are just selfish, foolhardy individuals. They have this fantasy dream of what their life would be like if they could just adopt a perfect little “Johnny” or perfect little “Suzy.” Guess what folks, you are messed up in the head! What sort of chance do you think your adoptive child stands since your head is messed up beginning this process?! Properly caring for (adoptive or birth) children takes sacrifice! When you determine that you are going to raise a child what you really should be saying is, “I hear by give up my rights as an individual. I will make all future decisions based on what is BEST for my child. I will be selfless. I will provide for my child in every way needed. If my child needs extra help in a certain or specific area that I am unable to understand or provide, I will seek out those who can provide that help. I will learn what I need to learn to help my child through whatever he/she needs help with. I will nurture my child and teach he/she discipline. I will demonstrate to my child how to succeed by helping him/her succeed. I will be the rock that my child can always count on. I will not be perfect but I will faithful to him/her. When I screw up I will tell him/her that I screwed up and I will try to do better. I WILL BE THE PARENT!!”
Now I would love to say that I have been perfect and true to all of that but that would be a lie. I have learned most of what I know by not doing it right the first or fourteenth time. But I know it now.
And if you haven’t read any of my previous Bolg posts our family has also adopted two children. We know first hand the difficulties. But we also know first hand, the rewards of staying true to our beliefs and working through the less than perfect scenarios.
Be a blessing to your children. They need and deserve nothing less!