Why go international when you can stay local?

I’ve been wondering lately…  In many cases adoptive parents will spend tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a child from a foreign country.  Now don’t get me wrong I believe that every single child deserves a home where they can be loved and cared for.  What I don’t get is why people will go to such effort to (basically) purchase their child from a foreign government.

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you know that our family is in the final throes of completing the adoption of “our” five year old son and seven year old daughter.  They are biological brother and sister.  I won’t go into the sordid story as too how this all happened.  If you don’t know and want to know you can look back through previous posts.

Here’s one thing I learned while attending our Parenting Class at the local Department of Social Services.  Most people want to adopt an infant child who is perfect in every way (not even the hint of  a single defect).  No physical, psychological or emotional problems.  Well guess what, not even birth parents are guaranteed that!  So why is it that some perspective adoptive parents have this fantasy of a “perfect” infant child?  I know, I know, it’s only human nature to want only the best for your child and family.  Our family are no different in that regard.  With the pregnancy of each of our birth children we dreamt and prayed for a healthy baby.  We have been blessed that the Creator’s plan for us was to honor our prayers.

Perhaps in a later Blog post I will address why it is that the vast majority of people view the perfect infant child as one who has no physical defects and by all scientific terms falls into the proper percentile of the various fields of measurement.

But to get back on topic;  We know first hand how difficult it can be to adopt a child from The State.  God knows it can be exasperating, pre=””>aggrevating, annoying and will just plain ol tick you off at times.  However, it is important to keep the end goal in mind.  We are not doing this for our benefit!  I think that is where the biggest difference lyes.  Some perspective adoptive parents plan to adopt a child for what the child can do for them.  I think that attitude or expectation perverts the relationship from the git-go.  Instead of wanting to provide a nurturing, loving environment for a child in need they want a child for what the child can fulfill for them!!  That is a pretty heavy load to place on a child who, for all intense and purposes, has already had too much trauma in their little life.

One of the exercises we (as a group) had to do during our Parenting Class was;  each couple or individual was given a card.  On this card was the name of a child or siblings, which included their first name and a brief (true) history of the environment they came from.  Also listed were any “issues” the child/children had demonstrated (playing with matches, acting out sexually, aggressive behavior, et .).  Then we went around the table and stated why or why not we would adopt this particular child.   How would we handle the various “issues” each child had.  I was saddened and shocked to find that about 90 percent of the people said they would not adopt a child who had “issues”.  Now keep in mind that each of these people had previously said they wanted to adopt because they love children and want to give them a loving and nurturing home.   LIARS!  I mean, excuse me!?  You mean you want a perfect little child who can fulfill some void you have and one who can fulfill your fantasy of your perfect family with the white picket fence and all.  You disgust me.

So those can be some of the horrors of Adopting Local.  Now for International Adoptions.  We have not done this but have close friends who have.  They adopted three children from Russia.  All three children were under the age of eight at the time of adoption.  They ended up with a “buy two and get the third free” package.  They spent over forty thousand dollars (cash money).  Then of course they had to bring with them anything the child would need.  They get the child (basically) naked.   This particular International Adoption story began as a wonderful story book tale.  However, two of the three children eventually ended up in trouble with the law while the third still struggles to keep it all together.

I have had some people tell me that God placed on their heart to adopt internationally.  Really?  Didn’t God know that there are hundreds or perhaps thousands of needy children right in your own local community?  I wonder why God didn’t place you in that foreign country near those children.  Is it at least possible that YOU saw the need for foreign orphans THEN PRAYED FOR GOD TO BLESS WHAT YOU WANT?!  Of course, I can not see into any person’s heart.

Here are the statistics from the INTERCOUNTRY ADOPTION – Office of Children’s Issues, United States Department of State.

2000 – 18,477

2001 – 19,224

2002 – 21,378

2003 – 21,516

2004 – 22,884

2005 – 22,739

2006 – 20,679

2007 – 19,613

2008 – 17,488


I also found that “cash out of pocket” International Adoption can range from $11,325.00 – $20,679.00.  So using my mad math skills if I average those two sums and then multiply that by the number of adoptions for the years 2000 through 2008 I come up with THREE BILLION, SEVENTY-TWO MILLION, THREE HUNDRED FIFTY-ONE THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED NINETY-SIX DOLLARS ($3,072,351,996)Wow that’s one heck-of-a-lot of money spent to help only 191,998 children.

Can you imagine (with me) what the International Community would look like if more than three billion dollars had been spent on improving the lives of ALL the children in those countries?  How life altering would that be if orphaned children in foreign countries were the benefactors of US dollars?  Instead of seeing US as people who are taking a child here and there, US could be seen as building entire communities where orphaned children could (possibly) receive the best care imaginable.  What would the future of ALL of those children look like?

Now continue to dream with me.  What would our own local communities look like of  those parents who adopted Internationally had adopted the unwanted, unloved, abused and neglected children out of their very own “back yards?”   I dare say the world would look at US in a very different light.  I further dare to say that the Creator of those little lives would look on (not only US) but each of us in a very different light.

Once again, I can not see into the human heart to determine it’s intent.  Whether the intent is to fulfill a personal (aka prideful) dream or to sacrifice their life for that of one who can not defend or provide for themself.  Adoption should be a selfless, sacrificial life style.  If you are not willing to sacrifice YOUR LIFE at least send a check to an orphanage in your local area.

There’s got to be more I can do for these children.


21 Responses to Why go international when you can stay local?

  1. kweenmama says:

    I’ve never adopted, but I have a former sister-in-law who has. She adopted locally–from a teen mom–and has never regretted it. I admire those who can find it in their hearts to bring a child into their home who isn’t biologically theirs. I think it takes a special person to do that, no matter where they adopt from.

    mssc54 replied:

    Kweenmama: I’m not at all sure it takes such a special person to adopt. I believe that most people will inherently step up to the challange if the need arises. We have all heard the stories of family members who “take in” their niece or nephew because their own brother or sister died unexpectedly.

    I do agree though that it does take someone with a selfless attitude.

  2. This touches me deeply, mssc54.

    I think the one thing that troubles me about many parents in general is that they do not view their children as separate and distinct individuals. They’re almost not ‘real’ people until they are older.

    When you have a child expecting that they will fit into some plan you have, you are ignoring the fact that the child is a completely different person than you are.

    One of the things I spoke with my father about this weekend is what his specific triggers were for physical violence. When it came to me he said that he would lash out when I “interrupted the plan”.

    When you adopt a child believing that you’ll finally have the perfect family, you are in essence expecting the child to be perfect.

    Which is totally unfair for that child.

    I think your analysis of the “infant adoption syndrome” is fairly accurate.

    mssc54 replied:

    Hayden: Honestly speaking… if there were no legal or spiritual consequences I would have beaten the sense into some parents long ago. Children have no choice but to be dragged through the life they are stuck with. It really is heartbreaking to know some of these stories.

  3. lawyerchik1 says:

    Good points!! I would expand what you said to the following:

    Some biological parents have children for what the children can do for them. … Instead of wanting to provide a nurturing, loving environment for a child, they want a child for what the child can fulfill for them, such as the child as accessory, or the “I want somebody who will love me and take care of me when I’m old,” or the “everybody in our neighborhood/church/family has children,” or the “that’s what you’re supposed to do,” or the “I want a son to carry on my name,” or “I want to make sure I have grandchildren….” and on and on and on.

    They don’t want to do the follow-through, they don’t want the “hassle” of teaching their children or disciplining them or actually spending time with them – it’s all about what they want. When it’s not convenient for them to be parents, they abdicate their responsibilities – usually to the older of their children.

    mssc54 replied:

    Lawyerchick1: All very good and valid points. In fact I have observed most of these pitiful family types. These are the same people who will get a pedigree dog and leave it chained to a tree in their back yard. It stays there all the time. But they have it. Well, at least the kids can give it water an food.

    That would make a great bumper sticker! “YOUR CHILD IS NOT AN ACCESSORY!

  4. Lindsey says:

    Adopting an infant inside the US has a lot of costs, too- like health care for the mother.

    I think that people should be willing to pay it… and if all else fails, the foster system desperately needs more warm bodies who give a crap about the kids.

    And as for not wanting a kid with “issues”- ha. Like anyone ends up without issues. It’s a sad truth, but that perfect little “normal” blond haired blue-eyed baby girl has a pretty good chance of being sexually abused and just might end up on a stripper pole. *sigh*

    Great post.

    mssc54 replied:

    Lindsey: Very good points Lindsay. Child sexual abuse is an entirely different issue…. Actually, many of the children in Foster Care are victims of sexual abuse too. It really just breaks my heart when I think of all the children deemed “unworthy” simply because they don’t fit “the plan” or “dream/fantasy.”

  5. amber says:

    Everyone has made great points here. But you know there is a glamor factor too about adopting. Having a “minority baby”. Look at the movie stars… They want to show just how compassionate they are by adopting from abroad. They are simply a “fashion accessory”.

    There are so many factors to a child to consider. Nature vs Nurture, bio-chemistry, family history, what the child was exposed to in the womb and afterwards… You get the luck of the draw pretty much.

    In the US though, there is so much red tape to adoption. They look at things like, perspective parents weight, health,age, and other factors. I would not be eligible for example to adopt in a traditional form. My health would exclude me from motherhood. Is that fair? Some would say yes, others would not. Should love have such red tape?

    Should there be such standards set for adoption such as having the child have to have their own bedroom when most children that are born into regular families don’t? Some of the hoops that they make you jump Michael I have to wonder about.

    Who says who will be a “good parent”? My personal education, wealth, compassion, and love should be enough shouldn’t it? I need to be perfect in every way or no child for me? Should I be forced to go to the “black market” or some other country to obtain a baby?

    It seems quite a weird situation given most people with the ability to have sex can have children without a thought… no matter what their IQ, or status in the world. No matter if they are good people. Yet they aren’t required to go through any of those things to do so.

    And what of those other countries allowing their children to leave? Aren’t there childless couples there who want them?

    My question is… what about the older kids in Foster Care? Who really wants those kids? Why does the system make it nearly impossible to get those kids?

    I have so many questions…I have so much anger. Its a sore subject for me… a sad one.

    mssc54 replied:

    Amber: I know (first hand) about “hoop jumping”. FORTY-ONE MONTHS OF HOOP JUMPING IN FACT!

    The system is screwed up. They say they want to reunite families and also state that they want to provide for the safety and welfare of children. Well guess what, sometimes those two stated goals controdict each other!!

    No it’s not fair that people who can and want to adopt are excluded by some rediculous red tape standard. So what do we do? How do we change the system? Just bitching about it won’t change a thing. Writing my little Blog post will have zero effect. If I only knew what to do… Write a letter to the Governor? Write a letter to the White House? Start my own orphanage?

    Older children in Foster Care is a sore subject for me too. I know for a FACT that the State does whatever they can to qualify and place older children. The older the child the more willing they are to work with the perspective adoptive person(s).

    It’s all just so sad and heartbreaking. We are a society who claims to love and want the best for our children. All the while the “system” is designed to guarantee the average person will get beat up and worn out before they successfully complete the State Run Obstical Course. Many people who want to adopt (locally) in order to earnestly help a child eventually become bewildered with the entire process they simply give up.

    As for those “other countries” allowing their children to leave; $$$$$$$$$$ It’s called INDUSTRY!!

  6. Charlotte says:

    This is a topic I know very little about.
    However, I was giving celebrities the benefit of the doubt about adoption. I was thinking that maybe by adopting abroad, they were helping to raise global awareness of the plight of some of the countries those kids come from.
    And I have always heard that adopting in the USA is a long, drawn-out, expensive, painful experience. I can’t blame anyone with the financial resources for skipping all the BS and “buying” a baby from another part of the world.
    It seems that most people want to adopt infants, and I’m sort of under the impression that “perfect babies” are in in greater demand than supply.
    If adoptive parents were willing to give homes to eight-year-old fire-starters a lot of things would be different, I suppose.
    I think people adopting are at least forced to give serious thought to being a parent. I believe that most people don’t really sit down and discuss it and weigh the options and seriously consider whether a family is the right thing for them. I bet 75% of conceptions are “accidents.” And I think that most people have some pretty weak reasons for wanting to have kids, as lawyerchik pointed out.

    mssc54 replied:

    Char: Perhaps celebrities adopt abroad because they want to raise global awareness. Doubtful but possible. I think Ambers ascertion of “accessorizing” is more likely.

    You won’t believe some of the things “our kids” have gone through and been exposed to. We knew (some) of them when we agreed to take them. However, as time went on we became aware of more and more challenges they would face. We (deliberately) determined that we could be the people who would help walk them through the various “issues” they would face. I don’t understand how an adult could give up on a child simply because he/she has some difficult, unimaginable “issues” to work through.

    To be blunt, it just pisses me off. To be blunt.

  7. mssc54 says:

    I received this via email and do not have permission to publish the writer’s name.

    Me? I think you’re on the money. And while you say you cannot see into a person’s heart or mind I can tell that simply using the common sense God provided…………you already have.

    You’re right. People want the perfect child……..and by child I mean infant. A four year old who has been abused and desperately needs to be loved…………..no way. Oh, there care deeply about that child………provided they can do so from a safe distance. There is a part of reality they wish to forever remain insulated from. They intend to be safely removed from the ‘seedy’ side of life and from the children who are produced there. In a very real sense, this is America’s version of the caste system we see surviving in India.

    Maybe the children they adopt in Russia come from some of the same circumstances but it’s so far removed from their world they don’t have to know about it. Their ignorance serves as their insulation.

    My view……….there is absolutely nothing wrong with calling people like that self centered hypocrites. That’s what they are.

    I’ve never adopted a child officially. I have, however, been temporary ‘daddy’ to a procession of kids. Some of them ran away from home. Some of them just were close friends with my kids and stayed with me while their folks were dealing with some difficult issues. None of them were infants or perfect. Sometimes I wonder why I did that and then I get a Fathers Day card from a 25 year old that lived with me for six months when he was 15.

    mssc54 replied:

    There’s a big difference between being a “daddy” and a father. A daddy is there to “lift the heavy loads”. A “father” merely provides the sperm in a moment of selfish pleasure.

    But then again, that’s just my (correct) opinion. 🙂

  8. Joy says:

    I’m pretty much positive that there is no such thing as a “perfect” anything. Parent or child.

    I think the whole adoption/foster care system should be redone. I know people who have adopted foreign and here in the US and foreign was easier and took less time. That could be a reason why so many people choose that way. I’m also not sure we should clump all celebrities together and say they are “accessorizing” because they’ve adopted foreign. That seems way to judgmental and whatever the reason, they are giving children a home that they may not have had without them. These are all children who need a home and love and we don’t know the why’s of why people choose that way.

    I think you and your Mrs have done a wonderful thing and the hoops you’ve jumped through simply amaze me and it makes we wonder how many people just throw in the towel. I also wonder if you didn’t have the kids living with you already, if you’d have just said “I’ve had enough” at any point. It’s also funny that the kids lived with you for so long while they decide if it’s the right thing to do. Good thing you and the Mrs were on the up and up or these kids could be with the wrong people. That scares me too. I mean really, isn’t leaving them with you while they decide if you’re the “right” people like putting the cart before the horse?

    mssc54 replied

    Joy: As usual you make some very valid points. I too am happy for each child that is adopted. I just believe that if a couple or individual really want to help needy foreign children that there is a better way to go about helping more than just one or two they choose to adopt. Especially these high profile milionair celebs.

    Yes our process has been a long and ardueous one. When the State placed the children with us it was under their Emergency Safety Plan. The birth parents asked for the children to be placed with us (temporarily while they got their act together. haha). So the State ran a criminal background check on everyone living under our roof and since we all passed they place the children with us. Now determining if we “qualify” to keep them for the rest of their life is an entirely different thing.

  9. Enola says:

    I asked some friends who had adopted why they chose international adoption. They said to avoid the bureaucacy (sp?). It is very difficult to adopt in the US unless you do a private adoption which is ridicuously expensive. Then you have the worry of becoming a headline case where birth parents sue to get the child back.

    Of course you could go the foster parent route – but then you have to wait for the parents to screw up enough to have their rights terminated so you can adopt. In the meantime you have to jump through all the DSS hoops and classes, allow “your” child to visit with their birth parents and all the other legalities.

    With international adoption, you fill out paper, pay money and get a child that is all yours. Very little risk of a birth parent showing up on your door. One home study and the state is out of your life. Then you can go on with raising your, now larger, family.

    I understand the need for some of the legalities and hoops. I have a huge appreciation for foster parents. It takes a special person to be a foster parent. But if you are truly looking to adopt a young child to raise as your own, then foster parenting may not be the road to go down.

  10. marlajayne says:

    After reading the above, there’s nothing I can add beyond “I don’t know why people choose foreign adoptions.” For a while, there was a section in the Sunday State newspaper that had pictures of older children with the caption, “Please adopt me,” or something of that nature. There was also usually a bit of info about the children themselves. Everytime I looked at their pictures, I knew that whoever took these children into their home would have a big, big heart, tons of patience, a lot of understanding, a dose of child psychology, etc. The kids always had that troubled look, and you (the reader) somehow knew that a lot of damage had already been done. Everyone wants a baby, right?

    Then, there’s the bureaucratic nightmare to contend with.

    It’s ironic that all you have to do to be a parent (in many cases) is biologically reproduce. As we well know, that doesn’t really mean that you’re a parent in the true sense of the word. Then there are those who’d give just about anything to have a child, and they have to endure years of waiting, testing, interviewing, etc.

  11. jennifer says:

    This is my first visit to your blog. This is a well-written, thought-provoking article. Thanks. I hope it’s okay if I elaborate on this complicated issue. I’ve been a part of the adoption community since my own adoption from an international orphanage – but my parents were living there, working there. My transition into their family was in the context of familiarity – same language, same smells, same sights, same sounds, same foods. My parents chose adoption as their first choice in creating a family – somewhat of an oddity 40 years ago. I am not anti-international adoption per se. But, my husband and I have chosen to adopt our children from here, especially high risk infants and from foster care. I have encountered a couple reasons for adopting internationally over and over again that you didn’t mention. One is the lack of contact with their first families. I find this very sad because the open and on-going relationships I have with my children’s first families is richly rewarding for me and a right of my children. Open relationships with original families is NOT co-parenting and is loving, not confusing, to my children. Another reason that comes up again and again is that in international adoption you really can shop for whatever make, model and serial number you’re looking for. There’s even a guarantee, well, not with your money back, but it’s called “adoption disruption.” My husband’s brother, much to my husband’s disgust, adopted a girl from China because, “We have given birth to two boys and one girl and our daughter really wants a sister.” (I suggested a puppy perhaps?!) They were even able to choose her age, because they wanted a toddler so they could “tell if she had developed any problems.” NOT everyone adopts internationally with these motivations! And as such, I don’t think it’s our job to judge their motives because only God knows their hearts. I’m just glad I wasn’t adopted by one of them! At some point I will publish Savannah’s story on my blog, which will share more of my perspective as an adoptive parent. My story as an adoptee is touched on in a (Canadian) Thanksgiving post but I have posted “Kyle’s story” on my blog, which you might find interesting. I look forward to reading more of your blog. Warm regards, Jennifer

  12. David L. says:

    I too have friends who have adopted from other countries. I don’t really know that I can speak for those who do or those who don’t. I also wonder about the many kids in this country that have such great need for good parents and are available for adoption. I guess it would come down to prayer, discernment, and exploring ones own motives. Either way the bottom line is that you are assuming the responsibility for the life of a child and that is a lifelong commitment, not to be taken lightly. I admire those who are willing to offer these children a better life and a loving home, wherever they come from.

  13. thedailydish says:

    Wow. Really – this is a very thought provoking post. I have grappled over the years w/ some of the same questions you’ve raised. Principally, wondering why some people adopt locally vs. internationally. I have friends who have done both. My husband always argues against international adoption for the very same reason — WHY go elsewhere when there are so many needy hearts already in your community. I can’t judge others for their decisions, but I do see his point. Having worked for the courts, I have heard horror stories of children who were abused. I have also heard stories of abused children abusing others.. It is hard to reconcile. I wish you & your family all the very best w/ your adoption! May God continue to bless you all greatly.

  14. Janers says:

    Well I hope to adopt a child for abroad one day. I don’t live in the US and I know there is a much higher amount of childless couples wanting to adopt then there are available babies. I wouldn’t fit the criteria and even if I did why would I want to take a baby away from someone who is incapable of having a child biologically when I am not?

    Children from developing nations have a greater need than those in developed ones (a lot of them won’t get the right nutrition and healthcare to see them to their 5th birthday) and whilst I agree that the money spent on adoption would be have a much bigger/better impact if it was spent on the communities of those children, it is true that people want children for their own needs and I don’t think that is a bad thing. Wanting to care for and lavish love on a child is a biological need for a lot of people, they know that providing love and always putting that little human being before themselves will bring them joy & I think that’s wonderful. If you see becoming a parent as ‘the sacrfice of your life’ rather than the beginning of your life then should you really be becoming a parent? Wanting to adopt so you will feel like a saint and god will view you favourably is a selfish reason also.

    Growing up I knew that my parents had me so they could be happy, I also knew that it was my mere existence that brought them happiness. This is not a burden, this is why I have such a healthy sense of self worth, even if I am far from perfect.

  15. Concerned says:


    While some of the points you make are valid I am concerned at how quickly you accuse without knowing the facts. You made a very sweet couple very sad when you made this comment: “I just don’t get this sort of thing” on a post in California announcing that they are holding an adoption fundraiser.

    Last year they adopted a beautiful baby boy whom you apparently thought came from another country when you saw their picture, when in fact he was born in northern California. They are looking to adopt again through LDS family services HERE in the US and are seeking help from family, friends and neighbors so that they can bless the life of another child HERE in the US and so that their son may have a sibling.

    I understand that this is your website so you may voice your opinion as you wish but I would ask you to please exercise caution when posting on other websites when you don’t have all of the facts.

    You’re right that there are so many children here in the US who need good families and not even half of them are newborn babies. Awareness is good but I don’t think it is fair to attack those who choose to take a different path from our own. Having said that, best of luck to you as you also participate in the wonderful process of adoption.

    mssc54 replied:

    Concerned: Thanks for taking the time to comment on my Blog post.

    However, your assuming that I was assuming the couple who adopted a child of a different race had done so internationally.

    In fact when I wrote, “I just don’t get this sort of thing” on your Blog post I was addressing the content of your post. Your post was about a fundraiser for a couple to help them financially with their adoption. Right?

    I later commented that the State will provide a monthly stipend (for each child) PLUS pay $1,500.00 per child per adoption.

    Why is it that when I commented on financials that YOU assumed I was commenting on the race of the child? Yet it is I who hurt the couple’s feelings? Perhaps others need to do a bit of soul searching as well.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  16. Oh my goodness, you have really struck a chord! My mind is spinning and it is late, so I’ll just say, you’ve pretty much said it all. Adoption is such a complicated thing and kind of a topic that is not really talked about. Thanks for all your doing to bring attention to all the childred right here, right next door, that are waiting for a home. We adopted a son from the state of IN. We were expecting and preparing for a child, or sibling group , school age, victims of abuse, neglect, and prob. sexually abused as well. We ended up adopting a 2 yr old, bi-racial boy. What a surprise for us! It’s a long story, and I have yet to write about it. I really just wanted to check in with you re some info I found concerning grief. If you get a chance, check out my blog, tags, dealing with loss, and adoption. I also have some links to some other adoption sites you might want to check out. I doubt that you need any further info, you sound like you have done all the homework and then some. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Great blog!

  17. raggamuffin says:

    I just read your filthy muck that passes for a comment on Ceder trees blog. You are a disgustingly, lame CUNT. The idea that you call yourself a christian is a joke. Do you think that is how Christ would have responded to that situation? People like you make me want to vomit.

    mssc54 replied:

    raggamuffin: I debated on whether or not I should publish your comment and ultimately decided to publish it unedited. I shall let the readers decide for themselves if it is I who is the joke or not. When you vomit try to avoid your feet.

    • Dear raggamuffin, your vocabulary seems very limited. You might try a dictionary or a thesarus. That should help you to present your opionion in a more articulate manner. The curse words, while colorful, don’t really help make your points clear. Also, if you really understood Christianity, you would know that being a Christian does not make one perfect. That is the very reason Christ came and died for us, because we are imperfect, and can never be perfect. While you may disagree, please try to do it in a little more polite manner. Being polite and mannerly is just being civilized, if that was your point?

    • Charlotte says:

      “When you vomit try to avoid your feet.”

  18. politicalhousewyf says:

    You do not know the pain couples go through with infertility, disrupted adoptions because a birthparent changes his/her mind, the horror stories of abuse and major psychological issues (which you and some of your commenters have just contributed to- abuse victims will “probably end up as a stripper”?!?), etc. Many couples, discouraged, quietly give up on having children at all. Some of us decide to adopt so we can have our decisions ridiculed by strangers.

    Although people can adopt for the wrong reasons, most of us agonized over that form declaring whether or not we would take a severely disabled child, a child of another race, or a child with a history of abuse. If God chose to give us a disabled child through our own pregnancy, that would be His decision, and we would accept that child joyfully. It’s different when you say you’re open to the idea with adoption: you will get a disabled child, so you better be sure that’s what God is calling you to. Who are you to say that people aren’t allowed to prayerfully discern a course other than the one you chose? Or to imply that they aren’t Christian enough because they honestly said, “I want to adopt, but I don’t think I could handle a severely disabled child”?

    You have also willfully ignored that many adoptive parents do, in fact, give back to the countries their children came from. The big name celebrities in the news for adopting internationally have funded schools and raised money for orphanages. All of us who adopted internationally gave money to the orphanage that covered not only our child’s care, but that of the many children who will not be adopted. Many of us continue to support foster care programs and orphanages overseas.

    As for choosing international adoption, let me give you an example. One of my daughters is named after a saint who counseled many anxious parents at her convent, worried about their daughters preparing for the missions in China or India. “But aren’t there people here, in Italy, who need to hear the Gospel?” the parents protested. “Yes, but your daughter has heard God’s call to go to those in China who need to hear about Jesus, too.”

    God calls us to different things. It is not up to you to declare, broad-brush, which are “proper” calls and which are not.

  19. javajunkee says:

    well you already know how I feel about the whole other country adoption. I see circles around us that are doing the same thing..and I can’t judge them but I too can see that A. it brings more attention the families when the child is obviously a different race…and B. I persoanally think a few of the people I am referring to like to “keep up with the celebs”.
    Now having said that I see the kids and they are adorable. I wonder though at what age do they start to wonder about their home land and then what? I too have had several knowings of international adoptions where the kids got into trouble. I know of one Liberian man who has his own daughter her and is trying to send her home. He cries when I talk to him about it. She has been nothing but trouble since getting involved in the american teenage hubbub. As soon as he can find money he is sending her home to relatives still in Africa. Friends of my bff adopted from China…twin girls and both of them turned of age and got into nothing but trouble.
    And this seems to be a little mini cult if you will that one can only join if they put a funds needed thermometer on their blogs to help raise the $20,000 + adoption fees. Plus there are plenty of hoops to jump through with international adoption too.

    gonna end this cuz I could ramble. I do NOT want anyone thinking I feel there are ANy children not worthy of a home…but when I see people in our church snub and walk past people who obviously have problems and uncared for children in our own community just so they can be in a spotlight of international adoption …I WANT TO VOMIT! (sorry did have to drag raggamuffin’s little dig in there.

    I admire what you and your family are doing !

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