I’m not broken but I am cracked.

Today I celebrate my 55th birthday.  Now that I have some age and experience under my proverbial belt I have become somewhat (more) reflective.  And with the intentional and directed reflection on my life, has come some rather painful revelations.  Guess what, I’m not perfect!  But then again I’m not broken either.

Okay, so now I’ve pin-pointed a few areas that I feel I need to work on.  Now what.  I’ve decided to “speak” with a professional who can help direct me with some behavior modification issues.  As a matter of fact, this morning from 8-9 was my fifth appointment.    Is it easy?  NO!  Has it been painful?  Yes,at times it has.  However, most things worth pursuing are difficult and somewhat painful?  Aren’t they?  Heck even if you want to lose weight, that too involves sacrifice and pain.  How many of us have tried dieting instead of changing our life style?

So, I have determined to persue a path of life style change.  Most of the time I just say or do whatever is “right” (in my own eyes of course).  There is no “governor” between the area of my brain and my tongue, so it can get pretty ugly.  Pretty much whatever I think rolls right off my tongue and out of my mouth.   As you may imagine, over the years my words and actions have caused a great deal of pain to a great many people.  Many Most people who are not required to be around me, because they are related to me, determined long ago that I’m just not worth the effort.  Who can blame them?!  I mean I certainly don’t go places where I know there is a high degree of likelihood that I will be made fun of or otherwise ridiculed.  Survival is key.

I have already figured out that I need to “lengthen my fuse.”   If I can just keep my mouth shut, even for  a few seconds, before I react then I can respond.  A response is much healthier than a reaction. 

You know, in spite of all my frailties, faults and inconsistencies, I have for quite some time been able to receive constructive criticism from (some) people and work with it.  Now is the time for me to become more intense and deliberate with these things.  I not only want to become a better husband, father and friend but I need to become the man who God imagined me to be when He thought about creating ME!  It’s not like God needed just another caucasian male on the face of the earth.  There have been billions of men like me over the millennia.

Now is the time for me to rise up and become!  What about you?

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12 Responses to I’m not broken but I am cracked.

  1. amber says:

    Happy Birthday Michael…. your post was beautiful and Im inspired…

    mssc54 replied;

    Amber; Thanks so much.

  2. lisacolondelay says:

    Happy Birthday. It’s amazing how age brings perspective! This was insightful reflective reading for me. Thank you!

    It’s amazing how similar I feel my story is too.

    I would love your feedback/comments on my blog, brother. Hope you stop by.

    http://lifeasprayer.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/response-to-reader-displeased-with-erect-nipples/

    mssc54 replied;

    Lisa: Thank you so much for making time to read and comment on my Blog. Since your comment (here) I have read you Blog and find it to be uplifting and well written. I have also taken the liberty of putting the link into your comment. Keep up the good work.

  3. Becky Covington says:

    Yes….it is time. Thank goodness God doesn’t give up on us and sees us ‘complete’ in Him. We should have as much vision for the folks around us. I went through some counseling with my daughter a few years back. It’s amazing how someone who is gifted in that area, can listen to you talk, and then…with one question, open you up and let the Lord come in and heal a TON of stuff in an instant, and/or open up your eyes to see where they’ve never seen before. Life sure is a journey….and it’s hard to walk in love all the time, especially if you have been wounded as you were. The whole journey in my humble opinion is about ‘restoration’ of all that has been destroyed because of ‘sin’, or the ‘fall’. And you, like me, and all of us, have made stupid decisions, knowingly and unknowingly, that cause ourselves hurt, and others. BUT….God can restore and heal relationships, if we will let him and if we will be humble enough…! I see that humble in you! AND..isn’t it good to know that he has so OBVIOUSLY been at work in you and through you Mike….even though you are not perfect….think about his disciples…he picked a crazy bunch….but His Life still flowed through them…! Now that’s good news!!!!!

    Oh yeah, and it’s good to know that you’re my ‘brother’!! giggle giggle……So, if you yell at me…i might punch you!

    mssc54 responded:

    Becky: Thanks so much for your comments. It’s so nice to see you around. Just remember I grew up with FOUR SISTERS. I know how to fight you girls. 😉

  4. Enola says:

    Good for you! That is such a great step to take.
    And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

    mssc54 replied:

    Enola: Thank you very much. Knowing your story I can fully appreciate the depth of your comment.

  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICHAEL!!!!

    I am so glad that you are willing to be open and make changes and face yourself. It’s tough, it really is. This is just so awesome.

    {HUG}

  6. Brian Stone says:

    MICHAEL HAPPY BIRTHDAY. ITS NICE TO SEE A CHRITEN MAN COME FORTH AND STEP UP AND DO WHAT HE IS CALLED TO DO CHANGE IT IS HARD TO DO THAT . WE ALL DEAL WITH THE FLESH. IN ISAIAH ; 41;10 FEAR NOT FOR I AM WITH YOU; BE NOT DISMAYED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD I WILL STRENGHTEN YOU, YES I WILL HELP YOU, I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND. WE ARE WITH U BROTHER STAY THE COURSE.

    mssc54 replied:

    Brian: Thank you my Brother.

  7. Joy says:

    Happy birthday Michael. I hope you have a wonderful day. I LOVE this: “I have already figured out that I need to “lengthen my fuse.” If I can just keep my mouth shut, even for a few seconds, before I react then I can respond. A response is much healthier than a reaction.” Truer words were never spoken. If only more people could learn this.

    mssc54 replied:

    Joy: Thank you so much, I did have a wonderful day! I’m still working on putting into practice what I am learning. 😉

  8. Hobo says:

    Happy Birthday MWC…
    It seems like only yesterday we were jumping freight trains
    together. Where does the time go?
    I hope you have a wonderful Birthday.

    We are truly Blessed…

    Love Ya Man
    Hobo

    mssc54 replied:

    Hobo: Thanks so much man. Gosh I miss you. I’m going to have to write about our experience that day/night on those freight trains. If only I hadn’t burned out so many brain cells after that…

  9. ransom33 says:

    Happy Belated birthday Michael and what a way to make it memorable. Your honesty is so refreshing. It is never too late to change, is it? Yes the longer we leave it, the harder it gets, but we both know with God, everything is possible, everything.

    God bless you and keep you.

    Love,

    Mercedes

    mssc54 replied:

    Ransom33: Yes, change can be a good thing indeed. Thanks.

  10. Des says:

    I think every man’s fuse gets longer the older he gets. Maybe it’s a loss of testosterone thing? Stuff that used to set me off 20 years ago doesn’t even get a blink now.

    mssc54 replied:

    Des: Well if it is as simple as a loss of testosterone I’m glad that the Lord preserved my life in order that I may “correct” some of the errors of my past.

  11. Walter Adena says:

    The good thing about getting older is getting more realistic. It is important to reflect our ways and make changes if necessary. It’s not easy though, but it is for our growth. 🙂

  12. charr83 says:

    So true, as we begin to become a better person we get a glimpse of what our potential is and who God intends us to be.

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