Stop The Blame and Take Responsibility!

Abstraction of the earth as a puzzle with several pieces falling off.  Isolated on a black background.  Earth photo courtesy of NASA

Some times I look back on my life and try to evaluate the times where I felt like my world was falling apart.  What happened?  What role did I play?  What responsibility did I have?  What can I learn from that?  How should I respond in the future?    Wouldn’t it be great if I could learn (the first time) from where/when I make a poor choice?

As I have been (intentionally) reviewing one specific event in my life (see previous Blog post)   I have had somewhat of an epiphany.  For over three decades I have allowed this event to shadow me.  I have been looking at how wounded, hurt and traumatized I have been.  Poor, poor me.  I hadn’t for a single second considered how my actions affected everyone else around me.  I have carried anger, resentment and even shame with me for so long that it had become a “right.”  After all I was a mere child.  Bologna!  I knew right from wrong.  I knew that I was challenging the authority over me.  But I wanted to do what I wanted to do.  I wanted to act up and make jokes.  It was all about me!!

Well guess what Buck-O.  It wasn’t about just me!  It was about the coaches and the other players too!   It should have been about honoring the authority set over me and complying with their wishes and directives  the first time I was corrected.  But noooooooo, I had to push it (as usual).  My coach held me accountable for my actions.  That’s it.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I can finally look back on the events of that fateful night and see that I was not the only one affected by my actions.  I can now recognise that coach tried to allow me back on the team by letting the entire team vote me on or off.  But I was such a jerk most of the time that not even the other players wanted me around!  I can’t imagine how coach felt when he realized that, in spite of his efforts to reinstate me, it was a done deal.  I’m sure he would have never guessed that the vote would have been so lopsided.

Rarely does life allow us any do-overs.  If I could I would certainly make better choices.  Not only with regards to this event but through most of my adolescence.  My mouth has always been my biggest challenge.  Still is, if you want to know the truth.

I’m sorry coach for not allowing you to do your job without my disruption.  You were a good coach and I did learn a lot from you.  And to my former team mates, I’m sorry that I was such a jerk to be around.  I wish I had been a better player and  I certainly wish I had been a better friend.

And no I’m not beating myself up.  I’m just reviewing the facts of my life and trying to recognise (once again) where it is that I have responsibility!


9 Responses to Stop The Blame and Take Responsibility!

  1. Enola says:

    That’s a great question to ask. I find myself getting up in the “all or nothing” approach. All my fault or not at all my fault. I find it hard to locate middle ground. Good luck on your journey.

    mssc54 replied:

    Enola: Thanks so much. Right now I feel like my journey has me on a dusty gravle road. I can’t wait to get on the asphault or concrete highway where the journey will be much smother. 😉

  2. ehrd says:

    Kudos to you for owning up. I know it’s hard to admit, especially after months or even in your case years, that in reality, a lot of a problem really was your own fault. I’m seeing that daily in my life, marriage, job and in my walk with Christ.

    Great Blog!

    mssc54 replied:

    Ehrd: Haha, I can be a real slow learner at times. After all it’s more comfortable to place blame than to accept responsibility.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  3. {HUG}

    mssc54 replied:

    Hayden: Thanks. 🙂

  4. amber says:

    Michael.. what an insightful post! Ok, so I do keep half an eyeball on you… just so you know.

    I know it seems at times Im hard on you. That Im the one who tells you that you are ignorant and don’t see “the big picture”. But this is it right here… the kind of thinking Im trying to get you to see………

    You said it all… right in this post… and I love it. Big hug for you.

    mssc54 replied:

    Amber: Hey I grew up with four sisters. Female types have been hard on me all my life. I can (mostly) take it. lol

    Honestly, I just don’t get those people who would rather “stay where they are” than recognise where they need to be and move there. Although personal growth can be very painful. Pain isn’t always a good thing but often necessary to facilitate the move.

  5. Des says:

    Wow, that’s quite the story. I’ve always struggled with this forgiveness vs feelings thing. Does having bad feelings every now and then toward someone who you’ve forgiven mean you really never forgave them or is it just a scar that never really heals?

    mssc54 replied:

    Des: Perhaps the “bad feelings every now and then toward someone who you’ve forgiven” is the enemy’s way of trying to get us to doubt the power of the Cross and too get us to doubt our committment to follow Christ’s example. Maybe.

  6. Joy says:

    It’s so hard sometimes to really face things we really need to. Especially after all these years. I’m so proud of you. These last two posts have really shown me what kind of a wonderful man and human being you are. Hugs and kisses to you.

    mssc54 replied:

    Joy: I am beginning to figure out that going through with the perception that it is “others’ fault” for the way I feel, act or respond, it is healthier in the long run to realistically look at my role in these things. And most times it ain’t pretty! lol

  7. Charlotte says:

    Funny. I knew you in high school, and I saw only the good in you.

    mssc54 replied:

    Charlotte: Well you know what they say? Love IS bline! 😉 Good to see you here!

  8. Mckenzie says:

    I think the one of the biggest challenges in life is admitting we’ve made a mistake, and then taking the courage to learn from that mistake. I think at one point or another we’ve all been there – – in different ways, but we have. Thanks for your post.

    mssc54 replied:

    Mckenzie: I completely agree that one of the biggest challenges is admitting we’ve made a mistake. However, I’m not at all sure everyone takes the courage to learn from that mistake.

    Thanks for the visit and taking time to comment.

  9. ransom33 says:

    Hi Michael,

    It takes a lot of wisdom and courage to own up to something like that, and I can just see God jumping up and down with joy as you had that epiphany and publicly admitted you were to blame for what happened all those years ago. Just remember the parable of the prodigal son and how the Father rejoiced so much for having his lost son back.

    I am sure the Lord is full of delight for you right now. Remember that had you not gone through that period of “rebellion” and “blaming others”, you would have not reached the maturity that has brought you to this freedom today. All is as it should be.

    God bless you!

    mssc54 replied:

    Ransom33: Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m believing that, when I do fall short in the future, that I won’t take so long to recognize and turn from it.

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