What makes our family so special?

Many of you who regularly (or even sporadically) read this Blog know that at the tender ages of 49 and 51 my Mrs. and I took custody of a (then) 2 and 4 year old brother and sister.  We are currently waiting on the final court date so the judge can change the names and finalize the adoption.

My wife and I have been married for a little over 35 years and have three grown biological daughters ages 29, 25 and 20.  We also have two grandchildren ages 3.5 and 2.5.  So now our “new kids” will be Aunt Lindsay (age 7) and Uncle Porter (age 5).   What a hoot!

There have been many challenges with our “new kids”.  Children who are the byproduct of years of neglect and abuse have (I hate this term but…) special needs.  They don’t see the world as children of an intact, healthy “normal” family.  Children who are old enough to remember their biological parents have even more issues.  They have fantasies of a miraculous biological parental healing resulting in some sort of relationship with their biological family.

We, of course, are were clueless as to these issues and how to handle them.  We are still learning and so are the kids.

Our biological daughters, their husbands and children have all been 100% supportive through the entire three year process.  In fact, we talked with them before we agreed to take Lindsay and Porter under the State Emergency Safety Plan.  Then after much prayer and discussion we talked to the girls again concerning their feelings about us adopting.  They were and still are completely supportive.

The thing that I find difficult to understand is:  “Why does everyone think that we are so “wonderful”?  I just don’t get that.  So we are not “traditional” parents at our age.  So what if we are basically giving the next 15 – 20 years of our lives to (intentionally) parent  these remarkable young children.  What else would we do?  Sit around and read books, play games, travel and just have a life of leisure?  Not likely. 

I think everyone’s life is busy.  We have just determined that our life will be busy with doing what God has ordained us to do. Who else would choose differently?

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11 Responses to What makes our family so special?

  1. “They have fantasies of a miraculous biological parental healing resulting in some sort of relationship with their biological family.”

    This is SO TRUE. And yet they are almost guaranteed to be 100% disappointed. It is a tough road to walk.

    I think you’re wonderful because I know just how many people would not step up to the plate this way. And I know how some of the people who do are only in it (foster care) for the money. One thing I talked to Chris about before we got married was fostering kids. It isn’t easy nut it is important to me.

    You’re right. You shouldn’t be all that special. But you are.

    mssc54 replied:

    Hayden: Thank you. Can you imagine a grandmother telling Social Services that she can’t take her 2 year old grandson or her 4 year old granddaughter too either place them in Foster Care or The Orphanage?! Do you have to wonder how it is that her daughter (the biological mother) has such selfish and destructive behaviors?

    Perhaps one day more people will be willing to look outside of their own life to those little ones who really and truly NEED someone to love them and make the necessary sacrifices to parent them. Maybe someday…

  2. Joy says:

    I think what you’re doing is wonderful. I’m just not sure I could do it now. If it were thrust upon me, I wouldn’t be able to say no though and I know that so thank goodness it hasn’t. Don’t knock yourself. You are giving these kids a wonderful life that they probably wouldn’t have gotten if you hadn’t stepped up. God bless you and Mrs. Mssc.

    mssc54 replied:

    Joy: I think the blessings have been experienced by both the kids and us. Thanks!

  3. K. Trainor says:

    You and your Mrs. chose a difficult path. I seem to remember reading somewhere that it’s the narrow gate we’re SUPPOSED to enter. ;0)

    mssc54 replied:

    K.Trainor: LIFE is difficult. lol Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  4. marlajayne says:

    Why do so many people think you and your wife are so “wonderful?” Because you are. Not many people (including yours truly) are selfless enough to take on the awesome responsibility of raising a second set of children. I’m pretty busy with grandchildren, but even if I weren’t, I’d probably find another way to “serve.”

    mssc54 replied:

    Marlajayne: Haha we have 2 and a half and 3 and a half grandboys too. The only difference is our 5 and 7 year old spend the night every night! lol

  5. Doraz says:

    Being a parent is a commitment that I take very seriously. I believe my children to be children of God, and I want to cherish them and nurture them…the best I have been shown to do. It does not matter what age you are as parents, what does matter is the dedication and love that you show to children…at any age. I am SO happy that you have made the choice to have your whole family grow…in love! 🙂 Thank you for stopping by my blog. I appreciate your comment.

    mssc54 replied:

    Doraz: The thing is once we have children we will ALWAYS be a parent. In spite of some of life’s tragedies we still believe that God is ever faithful and so good to us.

    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

    • Doraz says:

      My pleasure! I read what you said on Joy’s blog…so, get busy writing about…..Nothing special to write about, just talking* 🙂

  6. acrostic says:

    Just wondering.

    Unless there’s more to this I think you are not wonderful. Selfish would be my term. There are plenty of young people who deserve these youngsters more. Kids deserve more. I think these kids have been through enough. Do you agree?

    Doubless, you feel I am wrong. In that case I can see that you are also shortsighted. Never forget to look at the big picture. Great parents always do. Maybe someday you will see. In the meantime we all suffer. Kind of like those bozos in Washington. Every one of them looking out for himself.

    mssc54 replied:

    Acrostic: Selfish? Now that is an interesting take. How about you do some research to see just how many THOUSANDS of children are in Foster Care in every single state.

    We initially cared for our 7 year old daughter when she was 4 months old because the biological father needed some help. He needed help because biological mom (while pregnant) got drunk, ran over a pedesterian and killed him. She was subsequently convicted of Vehicular Homicide. The baby was born in prison. She was only prison for a short time… which allowed her to get pregnant again only to have the little baby boy born addicted to drugs.

    The children were removed from the home by Social Services THREE TIMES within a two year period. Finally the biological parents asked Social Services to ask us to care for them for a few months… just until they could get their act to gether (pass a drug test and finish their Anger Management course). Sadly after over two years they were unwilling to stop doing drugs and had also BOTH been arrested for Domestic Violance.

    The maternal grandmother suggested Social Services either put them into Foster Care or an orphanage because they could just not take them.

    Since these two children knew us (and we actually had baby pics of the little girl with our family when she was 4-7 months old) her psychatrist gave us the go ahead to adopt.

    Hey but you could be right. No telling what sort of shenanigans we could be up to now that our three biological daughters are all grown up with families of their own.

    I don’t suppose you understand the things of God… do you?

    Most people who want to adopt want perfect infants. Do the research then start your name calling.

    Thanks for the read and comment. Takes all kinds. If you want a more accurate picture of the 3+ year journey we’ve had with our “new kids” take some time to look back some of the earlier posts.

    I suspect that you are just trying to “get my goat” because we are Christ followers.

    • Joy says:

      You’ve got to be kidding me right? Selfish?? You obviously don’t know this story and where were “young” people to take in these two kids when they’re own family didn’t want them??? You think they would be better off in foster care or an orphanage instead of with the loving family they are with?

      Who are you anyway? Are you a stranger to this blog? If so, do you see that little x in the upper right hand corner of your screen, click that instead of talking trash about one fine human being.

      mssc54 replied:

      Joy: This guy obviously just found this blog. It does remind me though that it takes all kinds of people to make this world go around there are all kinds of people in this world.

      The thing that really bothered me is his/her cowardice. No address to respond to. At least I’m not savy enough to figure it out.

      Thanks.

    • Acrostic says:

      Mike,

      Look up “acrostic.” I was trying to get your goat indeed. If you take the first letter of each of those sentences, you have deciphered the acrostic code. Obviously what you did is wonderful and you are disingenuous to deny knowing that.

      It’s OK to do wonderful things and admit it. It’s great to be meek, humble or quiet most of the time. But when you say “Why does everyone think that we are so wonderful” you make readers feel that either there’s something wrong with us for thinking that or there is something wrong with you for not realizing that you did something wonderful!

      My silly point was, “if your decision was not wonderful then what was it? Selfish? Pointless?” And the public nature of the blogs leaves it all open to anonymous comment. I felt like stirring up your little blog pot to wake your readers up.

      Your response was great and I think you must have known there was something fake about my post! I won’t try to “punk” you again but I do like to keep up with your blog. Thanks!

      mssc54 replied:

      Acrostic: Making personal sacrifices has always been part of who we are and what we do. My point is why do so many people think we are so wonderful? Why isn’t this the norm rather than the exception? If more people would be a bit more selfless then perhaps when families like ours are observed they would not seem like such an aborition.

      BE the difference.

  7. Joy says:

    I could figure it out but why respond to such drivel?

  8. christianranter says:

    Maybe in 20 years you should ask the kids if they thought you were selfish in adopting them.

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