I HATE YOU! YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!

Earlier in the week I was sitting down with my leg elevated on the recliner couch.  Our little seven year old comes up and asks if she can snuggle with me.  Of course that always thrilled when she is so affectionate… which is often.

So we are sitting there watching MONK and one of the actors says, “You can’t make that decision.  Only her biological mother can.”   Uh oh!

“Daddy, what’s a biological mother?”  I tried to blow it off but she asked again.  Now for those of you who don’t know we took physical custody of our youngest little girl and her younger brother in May of 2006 and we just heard yesterday that the State should have all the necessary paperwork together for us to go in and sign on the 29th of April.  Then we have to wait on a court date to finalize the adoption of our new kids (ages 7 & 5 now).  So anyway I tell her that a biological mother is a woman who carries the baby in her belly before it’s born.  That seemed to satisfy her curiosity and I thought that was the end of it.  Boy was I ever wrong!

We have this Mexican place we usually eat at on Tuesdays evenings (kids eat free!).  So after dinner the Mrs. and the kids dropped me off at our local church so I could attend our weekly men’s bible study.

I got home about 8:30 and the Mrs. Says to me, “I had a pretty rough time while you were gone.”  Our little boy has been experiencing some difficulty with his behavior so I immediately thought it was him.  No, she says it was her.  What?  What in the world happened?!

The Mrs:  Well I checked her homework and it was really sloppy and I pointed out how sloppy it was and told her she needed to redo it.  The Girl:  It’s fine!  Everyone else’s looks like that!  The Mrs:  It doesn’t matter what the other kids work looks like yours should be done neatly.  The Girl: (screaming) YOUR NOT MY MOMMY!  I HATE YOU! I DON’T WANT TO LIVE HERE ANYMORE! I’M GOING TO GET MY CLOTHES AND RUN AWAY!.

The Mrs. was almost in tears as she related the events of the next hour and a half.  I felt so bad that I wasn’t there to help.  Then I really felt bad because I realized how all this got started.  It was the “what’s a biological mother?” question.   I guess I should have realized that that opened a door to her little heart and I should have taken time to talk to her more about that.  What a dummy!  Sigh.

The Girl eventually said she was sorry but still…  So this weekend we will have this talk with her about what/who she was really mad at/about.

This is all so new and different but then we knew there would be days like this.

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11 Responses to I HATE YOU! YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!

  1. Erin says:

    WOW!!!!!

  2. Des says:

    Yikes, what a tough spot to be in. We’ll be praying for your family.

  3. supermom says:

    Sorry to hear you had such a tough evening and well…I suppose it will be tough until she fully understands the situation. HUGS

  4. Sue says:

    Oh, not fun at all. I hope your talk goes well and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  5. Joy says:

    This is hard. All kids will be kids but this kind of thing can’t be said because it’s just mean. I hope it all goes well. Let us know how your talk goes.

  6. Enola says:

    It’s been awhile since your biological children were small, but let me remind you that they say things like this too. My 5 year old says “I hate you. You don’t love me anymore. I don’t love you anymore. I am going to run away. I am going to live with [someone].” I’ve found that it usually happens after I’ve corrected her about something. She needs reassurance that even though she’s done something that needed correction, that I still love her. I try to look in her eyes and say “I do not like what you did. But I like you. I love you. I will always love you – hing s and forever. You can not do anything to change that.”

    Hope the talk goes well.

  7. psychscribe says:

    I echo Enola. I remember my biological daughter doing the same kinds of things. You guys have been awesome with your kids. Cut yourself some slack, both of you!!!!!

  8. San says:

    I’m with Psych and Enola, you guys are awesome – constant reaffirmations and love, hang in there!

  9. […] Bless her little heart she is still so confused.  A few months ago there was a big incident which I wrote about  (https://mssc54.wordpress.com/2009/04/17/i-hate-you-yuore-not-my-mommy/).  […]

  10. I have heard the same thing, more or less from our son. We adopted him when he was 2. He is now 8. We have always talked about how he is adopted. He knows he has a “tummy momy”, but that I am his real mommy. God sent him to us, because his tummy mommy could not take care of him. We had prayed for him, and he was sent to us, just in a special way. So far he really hasn’t realized the he has a “tummy daddy”, so I have gotten the brunt of the questions re his tummy mommy. My heart goes out to your wife, the comments and questions can cut you to the bone. I just keep holding onto the reality, he is MY son, and will always be, and someday, when he is older, he will know how wonderful God was to put us together as a family.

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