Oppositional Defiance Disorder

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Parenting is such a challenging and rewarding lifestyle.  We recently took our little guy in for some counseling/testing.  He’s been having some problems with his behavior in school.  He’s in four year old kindergarten. 

My Mrs. went to some classes at her school last month.  In one of the classes they were talking about the different ways that boys and girls learn.   Now here’s one statistic that may well floor you as it did me.  Did you know that more children are suspended/expelled from school in four year old kindergarten than all other grades combined?!

I feel so bad for our little guy.   I mean he can’t help that his bio-dad used to beat him with a belt… before he was even two years old!  It’s not his fault that both his bio mom/dad are (still) drug abusers.   How could he stop his bio mom/dad from beating each other up?  He wasn’t even two years old, how was he supposed to get himself out of his crib/playpen to get something to eat?  How was he supposed to know if he cried just one more time that his bio-dad would blow up?  He couldn’t help but be trained to be terrified when his bio-mom said “wait until your dad gets home.”  He couldn’t stop his bio-mom from smoking pot, drinking alcohol and doing other drugs when she was pregnant?!

IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!!!

I (personally) need to get some training on this too.  I mean how am I supposed to hold a child accountable for their (mis)behavior if all the “wires” are connected properly?  How am I supposed to help him become the person he was created to be?

I may not know how to do these things yet but you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to figure it all out and help our little boy be successful and too even be a blessing to all those he comes into contact with!

Another thing that is abundantly clear to me.  I know with all certainty that God has placed this little guy and his sister in our family for a specific reason.  He knows that we ALL are lovingly committed to these children and will sacrifice anything we need to too raise them up to be the people they were created to be!

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6 Responses to Oppositional Defiance Disorder

  1. Joy says:

    It’s not his fault is right. Poor little guy. I feel that your doing all the right things and getting him in to talk to someone is the right thing to do. I also feel he will succeed with you and your Mrs. in his life. I feel so bad for him. I also feel that some of these memories will “fade” for him. I don’t feel they will be there forever on the forefront of his brain and thinking. He will grow to trust and love. With you help that is.

    When you write like this, I love it. You have such a big heart.

    mssc54 replied:

    Joy: Thanks. Now whenever I see a pregnant woman smoking or screaming at another kid I just want to “spank” her. Sigh…

  2. God's girl says:

    Thanks for looking up the commentaries for that verse about the head and the tail! I get it now!

    I know God put that little boy and girl in your family for a specific reason too! How awesome that they were rescued out of their family situation and brought into your family so that no further damage could be done. God rescued them!

    My sister adoped a little boy at birth. He is 3 1/2 now and so cute. And happy. He knows how much he is loved. He is a real charmer. Everyone loves him. And I think how good God is to have rescued him out of the family he was born into, and what he may have been like if he remained there. My sister and her husband love and cherish him so much. They are considering becoming foster parents next. Very scary for them, but that is where God is leading them.

    Lord, I pray you will bless that little boy. Show his mom and dad how best to care for him and give him what he needs given his rough start at life. Save him at a young age. Make him aware of your Spirit and your love and heal all of his wounds. In Jesus Name, amen.

    Blessings! Jenny

  3. Tessa says:

    Joy is so right, you have an amazing heart and I love to see it in your blogs! I have learned little about this disorder, and I hope you will share with us as you learn about it. I am in psychology classes going for my BA right now. I have done research on the effects of psychiatric drugs on children, and there really are no studies. I urge you to try the combo of counseling and all natural remedies, medicines, and diet control before going to the potent drugs that most doctors recommend right off the bat. They can cause more problems than a person started with. My husband just did research on bipolar disorder and we found out that a surprising like 70% of children on medications develop some form of tick-or involuntary movements.
    I wish your son the best in life and I know with God and great parents he will strive and grow to be a great man!

  4. Sue says:

    Good luck, that’s really all I’ve got. I can’t imagine, but am so glad these children are in your care. God has a plan for everyone and those kids are right where they’re suppose to be. You will bring them up to be great people and they will be everything you know they can be:)

  5. Des says:

    My sister in law has adopted or fostered over a dozen kids who were at risk. She could tell you stories…

    Kudos to you for taking on a challenge that most wouldn’t. The answers are out there and I know you’ll find them.

  6. wiserwoman says:

    My heart and best wishes to out to you. We, too, have an adopted son who faces many challenges in his life. His beginning was somewhat more fortunate than you son’s, as we adopted him right out of the hospital. I always believed that nurture would win out over nature regardless of what genetics our son inherited. I learned the hard way that a child is a gift you receive and once you open it, you get what you get. Nature wins every time.
    Had I known when our son was young what I know now, we would have been better equipped to recognize the signs of his disorder and get the help needed to prevent it from becoming more serious over time. One of his early diagnoses was oppositional defiance disorder, but that was only a small piece of the puzzle.
    With that in mind, I would like to refer you to my blog wherein I describe my son’s disorder. I wish someone had given me this information when he was young. The pertinent information begins on March 17 at http://www.wiserwoman.wordpress.com. I am not stating that your son’s problems are the same as ours, only that knowledge is power and the more information you have about the various disorders that exist, the more able you will be to engender the help you so lovingly state you will move mountains to provide.
    Wishing you all the best as you raise your son. God does have a way of sending these children to those who will do their best for them.

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