Children – the really young ones (rewrite of a previous post)

March 2nd, 2009

I was reading over something I wrote last year and felt it was worthy of a rewrite and front page exposure again.

September 3, 2008 

Although I am a guy, a husband, a daddy I have some pretty strong opinions  regarding raising children.

I know stereotypically I should be worried about my career advancement, how much money I can horde away for the future, how I look, the car I drive and so on.

But you know what I have always been a bit off on all of that.  Although I have owned my own business since 1984 I really haven’t spent a whole lot of time trying to build it to this million dollar business as some in my industry have done.  At one time I did have five or six vans on the road but oh man the head aches.

It just seems like whenever we need a “big lick” it shows up.  And I think I know why.

As I read my Bible I see some consistent themes, love one another, take care of the little ones (for  they are helpless), don’t worry about tomorrow for the flowers in the field and the birds of the air don’t, do not store up what rust and moths can destroy.  Most of all… make sure my relationship with the Trinity is first and foremost.

I will be the first to admit  that, at times, I have fallen woefully short on my relationship with the Trinity.  That being said it really is a daily focus for me.  I mean I don’t give God my “left over” time.  I deliberately make time.  I like early in the morning.  After all “seek ye first the Kingdom” and all.  That helps me get the right attitude and motivation before I have to deal with the world as it presents itself that day.

Now about children – the really young ones.  I liken new born babies’ heart’s to that of a white dry eraser board.  When they are born their little hearts are clean and pure.  Immediately everyone around that infant begins to write on their little hearts.  And I do mean immediately.  For instance, what if the nurses in the hospital nursery have had a bad day and they are fighting with their spouse.  They may be talking about their problems with their fellow nurses, thereby exposing those pure little hearts to unnecessary trash.  I know, I know that may seem unlikely and even extreme… but that’s what I believe and I don’t think completely unrealistic.

Babies are like human sponges.  They absorb everything.  They can’t help it that’s the way they learn.  Listening, looking and being imprinted upon  by everything around them.  The sounds, talk, music, television, everything becomes part of them… like it or not.

So what is our job as the mommy or daddy.  First and foremost… protection , of course.  When we parents decide to bring our baby into this world we give up our rights for the next eighteen to twenty years.  Period.  We no longer come first.  Every single decision we make should be based on what is absolutely BEST for our child.  I did say BEST not what is good.  Lots of things could be good but only one thing is BEST!  In a perfect world we all would do that every time without exception.  But alas none of us are perfect and after all since we are all humans we still have the propensity towards being a bit selfish.

Under the “law of baby protection” I think we first must be aware of what our child is exopsed to and keep the negative stuff to a minimum.  C’mon  you stay at home moms, turn off the dang Soap Operas! 

Let me say something to the daddies now.  I’ve read my share of business books, been to the seminars by all the big named motivational speakers and so on.  Just imagine this… seriously, imagine this.  You are very old and terminally ill.  Can’t you see yourself all wrinkly and kinda hunched over in a chair.. not moving so good.  What do you think you will be thinking at that moment?  Do you think you will be thinking about that deal you almost made?  Do you think you will be  thinking about the mega bucks and nice cars you used to drive?  Not likely.  Most likely you will be thinking about your children… your grandchildren… if you could just have your youth back you would do some things differently.  If you could just be a bit healthier now….  Oh, wouldn’t it be great to be able to spend some one on one time with each of them too let them know how important they are to you, how proud you are.  But it’s too late.  It was more important for you to take that job that kept you on the road most of the time.  You made your kids settle for phone calls, emails and text messages.  You were telling yourself all the time that you were working so hard for the family.   After all who’s going to pay for the nice house and both of the cars?  Right, that’s what’s really important.  The nice house and both cars.  You can’t honestly think that… do you?

Granted, we all need a place to lay our heads and transportation is a must in today’s society.  But daddies don’t sacrifice being with their family for the sake of their career.  Fathers do.  In my opinion there is a big difference between a daddy and a father.  Daddies are the ones that are there day in and day out.  Daddies play an active role in nurturing their children.  That’s right I said NURTURING !  Daddies teach their kids that it’s okay to make mistakes… if you learn from them.  Daddies especially admit to their kids that “Daddy screwed up, I am so sorry.  I will do my best to make sure that I never do that again.”  Daddies teach, fathers preach. 

Fathers aren’t around much and since they aren’t around much they feel the guilt inside and try to make up for lost time when they are home.  Consequently (unconciously) they find themselves doing one of  two things.  Either being overly permissive (that’s rare unless we are talking about a divorced father).  But more likely they are heavy handed with the discipline.  After all the father has to show the mommy that he loves her by really “taking care of things” when he is home.  What a jerk fathers are.

Ladies, girls, mommies, let me ask you this.  How many daddies did you see at that last child’s birthday party?  I can’t tell you how many times I was the only daddy at these parties… even when it wasn’t my kids party!  I have noticed, however, since we have our “new kids” that I do see one or two more daddies at thes functions.  But still it’s like eighty percent moms.  You know, Saturday morning the fathers have more important things to do.  The grass really needs to be cut and after all when was the last time they went golfing with the guys?  He’ll try to be home about the same time you guys get back from the party… take your time.

 

Where in the world have all the daddies gone?!

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6 Responses to Children – the really young ones (rewrite of a previous post)

  1. Joy says:

    I think this could also have something to do with “generational” differences. My husband is a lot older than I am and he raised two kids before our two and he did almost everything differently with the last two. Dad’s just “didn’t” do this kind of thing when my husband was young. Things there have really changed for the better. From everything from being in the delivery room to changing diapers, he was hands on with the last two when it was unheard of with the first two. I don’t really feel it’s fair to pass blame, when you know better you do better.

    I also sometimes think as parents you have to divide things up. I remember when both our boys had something going on at the same time and we’d go with the one who’s activity we enjoyed more. I hated basketball so if Jason had a game and Toby had something else, Paul would take Jason and I’d go with Toby. I can see the same things with my boys now that they are dad’s. They both do so much with their kids and I salute them but honestly, I can’t see either one of them sitting at a child’s birthday party unless other adults were there. It’s just not either of their cup of tea. They would both take them to the party but would go pick them up and not stay. Why do you stay at a child’s party? I never stayed either come to think of it. But then the “mom’s” don’t stay at some things either. I think, to me anyway, you do with your kids what you enjoy and if neither of you enjoy it, then you both have to go!! I know with me, if it was anything during the week, my husband would never have taken time off work for something like that. He went to conferences and stuff like that but some things, if done during the week, maybe whoever is home takes the child.

    Don’t you think your being a little hard on dad’s?

    mssc54 replied:

    Joy: Maybe I am being a bit hard on dads… but maybe not either.

    I suppose some of these things could be considered “generational.” However, at some point “things” changed. Men who lived through The Great Depression were greately affected with the need to make money for the family. I completely understand that. My father was one of them. Do I think that my father should have gotten a pass on being a daddy? Nope.

    As far staying at children’s birthday parties. Most of the ones we go to are at places like Chucky Cheese or the skating rink. Lots of oppertunities to mingle with your own child. Not only that but I like to see what the other parents are like that my kids are exposed to.

    It is still my (correct) opinion that once we become parents we should do things based on what’s best for the child. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to feel like we get a pass because we don’t enjoy what they enjoy. 😉

    I will confess though that I attended very few Marching Band competiotions. Clearly, I was a father on those days. lol

  2. Amen to this post!

    mssc54 replied:

    Thatdudeyouknow: Thank you. Thank you very much. (done in my best Elvis voice) 🙂

  3. I 100% agree, ESPECIALLY about having the fathers more involved! Bravo.

    msscre replied:

    Hayden: Where have all the daddies gone? 😦

  4. kweenmama says:

    This is a good post. I can’t believe how many parents tend to let others take care of their kids. I know parents (dads AND moms) who rarely attend any of their kids extracurricular activities. It almost seems as if the family is the lowest priority for some parents. It’s sad, really.

    mssc54 replied:

    Kweenmama: Even after parenting for nearly three decades straight I am still amazed at the selfishness of people who call themselves “mommy” and “daddy”.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  5. Tessa says:

    Wow. Another wonderful, thought out post. I am young, I only have a 5 month old, but I am VERY observant and a psychology nut. I have always observed families and the effects on children and am fascinated with the cause effect relationship of parenting. Before having my baby, I did my research so to speak! I want for my children to have a much better relationship with us than we did with our parents. Sad, but true. I want them to feel we are there for them 100% and we actually did our BEST just like you said.
    I totally get what you are saying. No matter how hard finances are for you, no matter how much you do not enjoy birthday parties or anything else- being with your child, seeing the happiness on your child’s face should surpass any downside. ANY!
    I know my hubbie is a dad like you. That is why I married him. He loves, loves kids and makes every effort to play with him everyday if only for a few minutes.
    I was raised with a “father” and he was raised without a “mother” and I know what you are talking about. IT HURTS. BADLY. and is still taking us some time to get over.

    mssc54 replied:

    Tessa: Intentionally parenting and concious sacrificing for the sake of your children is becomeing more rare. Lots of parents want to be their child’s friiend. They already have friends. They’re called peers!

  6. Tessa says:

    Amen. Amen. A-h-h-men!

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