We Are Still Adopting

 

I was asked by one of my readers about our “new kids”.  I wrote a little bit about them here: https://mssc54.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/older-parenting/

I think I will start at the beginning.

In 2002 we received a call from our pastor informing us that he knew of a single man who was raising a 4 month old infant girl on his own.  He was wondering that, since my Mrs. was out of school for the summer, would we consider helping him out with the baby during the summer.

We discussed it, talked to our bio-daughters and decided that this is something we were supposed to do.  So we would go and pick her up about 6:15 am and bring her back about the same time in the evening.  At times we would keep her at night and on weekends.  We wanted to spend more time with the baby and too also give the dad a break.

Over time we learned that the reason dad had the infant on his own is because whem the mom was pregnant she got drunk, ran over a pedestrian, killed him and was subsequently convicted of Vehicular Homicide.  The baby was born in prison, taken immediately from the mom and given to the dad.

We have a few pics of the baby with us during that summer.  That would later come to be a very good thing.

Well after only two years mom gets out of prison.  Mom and dad get back together and seemed to get their act together.   When the baby is just over two years old mom has a little boy.  Guess what.  He’s born addicted to drugs!

But since they are just little human beings it’s not that big of a deal so the Social Workers send the baby home with the loving and caring couple.  Oh!  Did I forget to mention that dad has already admitted to having a cocain problem?  He was the one assigned to supervise the mom. 

Now I steadfastedly contend that if this infant was a puppy or a kitten he would have been immediately removed from that family.

Mom and dad are both ordered into a monthly drug testing program.  I still don’t understand how having a baby born addicted to drugs did not land the mother back in prison. 

Dad was real ticked off when the baby boy was born addicted.  After all he had (practically) single handedly cared for their little girl all by his lonesome for two years.  So, anyway, he has this attitude and anger problem and begins to slap mom around.  He is subsequently kicked out of the house and not allowed to be around the children.

I’ll skip a bunch of stuff  related to both parents inability to pass a drug test or anger managment class.

Two years after the boy is born mom admits to driving around town DRUNK with both kids in the car.

Time for the big meeting with the Social worker, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle.  Now in the family’s defense these parents have been given pretty much every oppertunity to get their act together.  They (mom/dad) have said over and over again that “this is the last time” and they will get it together.  But they didn’t.  So at this point the immediate family is just  worn out with all of it.  So the big meeting is to determine where the two year old boy and four year old girl will go.  Aunt/uncle say they can only take the boy for two weeks.  Grandma says they can’t take them at all… either put them in Foster Care or put them in the orphanage. 

Can you believe t hat?  Holding the children accoutable for the actions of their parents?!

That’s when both parents ask the social worker to see if we will care for the children before putting them into the system.

So here we are now in January of 2009 and we have finally been given joint custody with the Department of Social Services.  If things go as they have been for the last 32 months we should be finished with the adoption process in another six months.

But who really knows how much longer it will take.

I’ve already been the oldest daddy on a couple of field trips.  I hate those dang PTA meetings.  I will be 68 years old when our boy graduates from high school.

We love it!

Post Script:  Our family is just doing what we know how to do.  We are just like other families.  Nobody special.  I’m sure if most people were put in the situation we were put in they would do the same thing.  It’s just life, what else are you going to do with it?  Besides, I don’t see the terms “vacation” or “retirement” anywhere in my Bible.  🙂

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12 Responses to We Are Still Adopting

  1. Mrs. C says:

    You & your wife are amazing people to take on the added responsibility of caring for two more children. They are lucky to have you in their lives.

    mssc54 replied:

    Mrs. C: We are just as fortunate to have them as they are to have us. Truly.

  2. Amazing. I want to too!

    mssc54:

    Dude: You don’t have to want to… just go down and tell Social Services you want whoever they have sitting around. There’s nine available in our district!

  3. psychscribe says:

    What a sad example of the norm in social services. In our state social services allows visitation to fathers who have sexually abused their kids. God Bless you, your wife and all your kids. Warmly, Psych

    mssc54 replied:

    Psych; Honestly, I haven’t written about the half of it. Fortunately (early on) we hired our own attorney. Without legal representation I shudder to think where this whole thing would be.

    I think this is exactly where that phrase “You better keep your gonvernment job” came from. Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t good Social Workers.

  4. Enola says:

    You both are amazing people! Those children are so so lucky. Doing as much custody work as I do, it is astonishing how many grandparents are raising their grandchildren because their kids can’t. So I doubt you’ll always be the oldest parent. Besides, some of us (me!) are waiting to have children at a later age. I’ll be in my 50s when mine graduates high school.

    mssc54 replied:

    Enola: I don’t know how you do it. BTW, grandparents aren’t the same as parents. 😉

    Heck, I’m 54 with our youngest in K4! lol

  5. UGH. I am convinced that almost all social ills can be traced to poor parenting. I am also quite certain that they were convinced they were ‘good parents’. It made my heart hurt to read that he was born with drugs in his system. That is so SAD.

    mssc54 replied:

    Hayden: I completely agree with you. Parents can sure screw up kids. However, there are two other sisters that seem “above average”. Who can tell how this bio-mom ended up making such poor choices.

  6. Joy says:

    I could go on and on about how horrible this whole thing is and for a LOT of other children, this is horrible but I’m so happy for these two kids that you have them. You and Mrs C and the rest of your family are the best thing to ever happen to these wee ones. I’m happy for them. My heart broke in half and then was sunny and bright. God Bless you M.

    mssc54:

    Joy: I know what you mean. I still can’t figure out how this woman only spent less than three years in prison after killing someone!

  7. Jennifer says:

    If you require to get involved with troubled kids in the foster care system, study Invisible Kids first. (www.InvisibleKidsTheBook.com) The heartrending reports and the interventions Holly Schlaack recounts will give private citizens the impulse they need to volunteer as a CASA or to go for further training. Professionals who are involved with children will realize many of their own experiences in the positions Holly depicts. Her creative, positive, hopeful 12 recommendations will give professionals and private citizens practical encouragement to heighten their own work and join in to help these little children who have seen firsthand the worst of the adults they had a right to rely upon.

    mssc54 replied:

    Jennifer: Welcome and thank you for commenting.

  8. Servant says:

    As you know…I know your story about as well as any one (besides you, of course) and let me just say that those two kids were providentially “plucked” out of their mess and into your care. I am sure there will be challenges in the future (not the least of which is DSS), but I also know God has something in mind as well. Sometimes, I think the Lord really does allow us to have “do overs”. You guys are doing a great job. Be blessed!

    mssc54 replied:

    Servant: “Do overs” are awesome! It’s not that difficult to do a good job with anything if you have a few decades of experience. lol

    We are doubly blessed.

  9. leafless says:

    The world needs more people like you. God bless.

    mssc54 replied:

    Leafless: Thank you, He has! 😉

  10. K. Trainor says:

    How inspiring! Congratulations to you all. 😀

    mssc54 replied:

    K. Trainor: Thank you, thank you very much. (said in my best Elvis impression) 🙂

  11. DM says:

    wow-

    before I came over to your blog, I thought to myself…Msc54 needs to change his name to mssc55 🙂 then I saw your latest post. I’m glad our paths crossed this past year.

    mssc54 replied:

    DM: Same here. 😉

  12. Morocco says:

    This post brings Romans 8:28 to mind. He has worked this situation out for the good. The real blessing here is when you hear God’s call and answer! “Well done, thou good and faithful servant!”

    mssc54 replied:

    Morocco: These children have been such a blessing to us. None of us can imagine our lives without them.

    Thank you for your kind words.

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