Fatherless or Not?


Sunday was a bitter sweet celebration for us.  Little Cooper turned two years old.  On the one hand it’s difficult to believe that it’s been two years since his birth… and also twenty-one months since his daddy while serving as an Army Combat Medic was killed by that Taliban Sniper.

If you haven’t yet read about Buddy here it is https://mssc54.wordpress.com/our-american-hero/  also, these are most of the things on the internet about him: https://mssc54.wordpress.com/buddy/

Early on in our “journey” things were dark and difficult.  Grief is a very strange thing.  This grief is completely different from any other I have experienced.

You see, most people don’t know that Buddy never met his father… not once.  He was so determined to be the daddy to little Cooper that he never had.  We are so glad that he was home for two weeks leave when baby Cooper was born.  Those two weeks are precious to all of us.  Buddy was kinda selfish with his little son.  It was difficult for most anyone else to get some “face time” with new born Cooper.  Buddy was feeding him, changing his diapers, getting up in the night (letting his bride rest) all of it.  One of my favorite pictures is of Buddy burping Cooper with an empty baby bottle on the coffee table in the foreground.

Initially, I was comsumed with hatred for “those Muslims terrorists”.  Honestly I allowed myself to fall in to that trap of hating all Muslims. 

I won’t go so far as to say that I am probably like “most” people but I’m probably like a lot of people.  I have to be on guard not to lump all people of a certain “group” (be it religious, race, ect.) into the same steriotypicle thought process.

Not all Muslims have hijacked their faith into a violant blood thirsty belief.  Not all whites have the loathsum beliefs as the skin-heads or the KKK.  Not all black men are drug abusing, gun toting thugs.

However, I will admit, I do still have to purposely… intentionally have to check my motive when I interact with these groups of individuals.  The problem I have is knowing where to draw the line on my and my family’s safety and being so tolerant and accepting that I put my family at risk.

In the end I have to rely on one thing.  Believe it or not I have to trust in my relationship with the Trinity.  As I “seek ye first the Kingdom of God” I MUST BELIEVE AND TRUST THAT HE IS FAITHFUL TOO NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME!!

I can hear the thoughts of some of you.  Asking, “How can you say that when your God allowed your SIL, your twenty-three year old daughter’s husband, your three month old grandson’s daddy get killed.”

Admittedly, initially, this question has been very difficult for me to wrap my mind around.  It didn’t happen over night (or even a few weeks) but eventually I was “awakened” to the fact that God is God and man is man.  Man is inherently corrupt and violant in nature.  God is merciful, loving and all knowing.

God knew Buddy was going to be killed.  God knew that Alexis was going to be widowed at the age of twenty-three and left to raise their baby as a single mom.  God knew that baby Cooper was not going to have his biological daddy to raise him.

God also knew wha a remarkable family we are.  He knew that inspite of this tragic event we would look beyond the grief, that we would (ultimately) look to Him for our comfort and guidance.  God knew that this would draw us even closer, that this would force us to acknowledge the inner strength we each have and what amazing love and strenght we have as a family.  God knew that Alexis and little Cooper would buy a house in the same neighborhood as we live in.  God knew that we would be able to “input” into Cooper’s life regularly. 

God knew what tremendous heart ache, pain, anguish and yes even doubt this would bring into our lives.  However, He also knew when we (eventually) came out of the fog of our individual and collective depression and grief that we would be a beacon of light for each other.  But most of all our Lord knew (and stil knows) that we will rely on Him to guide us down the path of healing, health, love and acceptance.

Yes my precious little two year old grand son is without his biological father but he does have all of us but most importantly little Cooper has the most important father.  His Eternal Father, the One Who created him will never leave him nor forsake him!

Be blessed in the knowledge that no matter the tragedy, no matter the heart break, no matter the challenge, none of us are alone in that for the Savior has sent to us the Helper, the Comforter.

10 Responses to Fatherless or Not?

  1. Joy says:

    It’s completely understandable for you to feel that hate at first. It would be hard for anyone to wrap their brain around what happened to you. The point is you got over that way of thinking. We simply can’t lump everyone together. There is good and bad in all of us regardless of “what we are.”

    Way to go YOU. You have to be there for Cooper and a hating person wouldn’t do him any good. It would only pass to him and you don’t want him growing up to hate. We have to teach our young ones that we shouldn’t hate anyone and we are all different and we have to embrace each other’s differences. Isn’t that the best way to be?

    I’m proud of you.

  2. Little Cooper,

    Your Father was a hero. He was a man who risked and then lost his life coming to the aid of men he did not know. They weren’t even his countrymen. They didn’t speak the same language as him. They probably were of a different religion.

    Your Daddy didn’t worry about any of that. He considered it his duty to save them when they were hurt and crying for help. He was a very brave man Cooper. I have talked with men who were there. Your Daddy was not ordered to do what he did. He just did it. Never hesitated. He just heard their cries for help and instantly responded.

    Your Daddy died as a hero among men. There are those, and I am one of them, who will at the mention of Buddy Hughie’s name become quiet and misty eyed. There are those, and I am one of them, who are completely awed by the bravery and heroism your Daddy carried with him.

    And yet Cooper, you still have a Daddy in a way of thinking. I have spoken with your Grandfather. He is there and determined to be a Father to you in every way he can. Your family is strong and surrounds you with love.

    And should we ever be needed, there are hundreds, thousands of us who feel very deeply that we owe a great debt to your Daddy. We will not intrude on your life Cooper but if you ever need us………..ever………..you come to us and say the magic password. Just say “I am the son of Buddy Hughie and I need your help.”

    There will be no hesitation Cooper. We owe your Daddy. You are not Fatherless. Nobody can ever replace your Daddy and nobody is going to try. But we all stand ready Cooper if you ever need us. I promise.

    Thank you God for this child of an American Hero. Thank you for being his Father too.

  3. DM says:

    When you write about the heartache you all have and continue to experience, I read your words and can’t for the life of me imagine what the past couple of years have been like for all of you.

  4. tam says:

    i cant imagine youll ever get “over this”. even typing that out seems so…insensitive.

    im sorry you have all had to endure this…but as youve written God knew – therefor, HE is in control.

  5. Des says:

    Not all Muslims have hijacked their faith into a violant blood thirsty belief. Not all whites have the loathsum beliefs as the skin-heads or the KKK. Not all black men are drug abusing, gun toting thugs.

    Well put.

    Our time on this earth is finite and soon we’ll be reunited with those who we love in a better place. Pain and loss will be with us until then, but we have a comforter who has also lived this pain. I can’t help but think that God weeps for our losses with us.

  6. Servant says:

    That was an absolute phenomenal tribute to Buddy!

  7. Gisele says:

    I agree with Servant…and I hope you print it for Cooper

  8. Thomas Combat Medic says:

    To little Cooper and Family.
    Please try and understand that your dad was a hero and he did not die in vain. He gave his life that so that others will live in peace and freedom. I know in my heart that your dad was a very dedicated soldier and above that a very dedicated medic. He always put the safety and welfare of his fellow troops ahead of his own wants and needs. Even though your daddy may not be with you in person please know and understand that he will always watch over you and your family. He has been welcomed with opened arms into heaven. Your Daddy,God, and all of the saints and angels will always be looking down on you and your family and they will watch over you and protect.

  9. Karen Joy says:

    Yes.we need to turn to God in and through our grief.Little Cooper will always have his Heavenly Father..Amen!
    So sad to hear what you have all been through but so blessed by your words and expresion of your faith.With out my Lord I dont know how I too would have made it through some very rough times.Bless you!

  10. Catherine says:

    Military life is challenging, rewarding and frustrating. I think the family struggles more than the ones who are in the service because the family doesn’t know what is going on from day to day. The service member is too busy dealing with reality and can’t focus on what the family may be going through to keep sane and alert. I come from a military family that goes back several generations, I served for 12 years and almost lost my husband once who also served, but of all the military buddies between us we haven’t lost someone during any of the different arenas where the military is sent. I can’t understand your or your families loss. I know the shock of losing someone quickly and unexpectedly which has happened twice in my life. I am grateful to the Lord that your family had Him to lean on. It is good to talk about so through your pain not only healing comes but also you WILL minister to others. My heart grieves with you and your family.

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