MEMORIAL DAY 2010 – WE STILL REMEMBER!

Sgt. Buddy James Hughie

HUSBAND, FATHER, SON, FRIEND

KILLED IN ACTION FEBRUARY 19, 2007

TWO BRONZE STAR (medals) WITH VALOR, PURPLE HEART

Entered into eternal rest serving in Operation Enduring Freedom

Afghanistan, Asia

 

Killed in Action (KIA) with a single shot from a Taliban sniper while rendering aid to Afghan Army Nationals.  Sgt Hughie went where no other dared.  He saved the lives of two men who were of a different race, a different religion, who lived in a foreign land and they spoke a different language. In the process, his heroic actions cost him his life.  Sgt Hughie stepped out and went where others refused go.

We love him and miss him dearly.  If you have not visited  the links “Our American Hero” and “Sgt Buddy James Hughie” on this home page please take time to do so and get to know our American Hero.  He is the one we knew as Buddy, the one with the radiant white smile who was always willing to help you with whatever needed to be done.  The world is a little darker without Buddy Hughie.

Enjoy your freedoms for they are bought with the blood from our American Heros.

An Attitude of Gratitude

The last few months I have allowed myself to become so busy that I got caught up in what can be the every day drudgery of life.  Bad me.

However, just over the last few days or week or so I have been more reflective in nature.   As I have (intentionally) gone over some of my life long issues of hurt and woundedness I have realized that in spite of my bad habits and poor choices I have found myself in a place of blessing.

For many years I lead a life of self-indulgence.  I used to have the tendency of compartmentalizing my life.  For instance if I was not deliberately abusing my children then I was a good father.  After all I was better than those fathers.  If I could feed my (former) drug use without actually having to spend money then, of course, using drugs was not a problem.  If I could still hold down a job then there certainly was nothing wrong with drinking two quarts of Jack Daniels a week!  I was good at compartmentalizing.  Or perhaps the more professionally accepted term would be “rationalizing.” 

I ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous for a while.  However, I never did like their “One Day at a Time” philosophy.  To me that was saying that, ” I betcha one day I’m going to fall off the wagon.”   I did do at least two meetings a day for the first ninety days.  Some days I would do three meetings!  I got all the cute little chips and listened to all the stories about why others drank.  It was their spouse’s fault.  The kids drove them nuts.  Their boss didn’t like them.  They were abused as a child.  The wind was blowing.  The lighting was bad.  Their mother didn’t breast feed them but did breast feed their siblings.  And on, and on, and on.   But in fairness to all the story tellers I haven’t been to an AA meeting in a couple of decades or so, so maybe the tone has changed.  But I doubt it.

It’s a wonder I didn’t end up needing treatment for depression!  At first I latched on to the “I have a disease” thing.  After all if I wasn’t responsible then I would have no responsibility for my past actions.  Heck, I just couldn’t help myself.  I mean have you ever heard of anyone blasting a cancer patient for losing their hair?!  I have a disease!  I just can’t help myself!

Man this post is starting to go all  over the place here.

Anyway, I lost a significant portion of my life because of drug abuse, alcohol abuse and mostly too SELF PITTY!!  I’m actually still trying to work through and figure out how it is that I (specifically) came to feel that I always got the short end of the stick!  I can go down the list.

1.  My dad travled out of town 4 or 5 nights a week.  So I basically had an absentee dad.

2.  I was the only boy with 4 sisters.  I did get a brother when I was 13 but for all intense and purposes, poor me was raised in a girl’s dormatory.

3.  Teachers and other adults would (almost) always tell me what beautiful eyelashes I have!  Why the heck would you tell a little boy he has beautiful eyelashes!  That can scar a kid!!

4.  My dad used to just beat the living tar out of me!  I mean BEAT ME!!

5.  My grandfather was an alcoholic.

6.  My father was an alcoholic.

7.  My grandfather was a womanizer.

8.  My father was a womanizer.  Heck he even took me with him one Saturday to visit his girlfriend.  Well he didn’t tell me that’s what we were doing but when we pulled up in his green Plymouth I had to wait out in the car while he went to “visit.”  I can still see her standing on the backdoor stoop holding the screen door open for my dad.  She had blonde hair put up in a bun and had on a pretty tight-fitting yellow dress.

9.   Where the hell did that blonde haired woman in the tight-fitting yellow dress think my mom was?

10.  Don’t hit your sisters.  You don’t know your own strength.  It doesn’t matter that they hit you first.  You’re a boy and they’re a girl.

11.  You have to go to mass on Sunday and on Holy Days of Observation.  Now go get me a beer out of the refrigerator and get the lighter fluid for my lighter.

12.  We don’t have the money for that.  Do you want to ride with me to get some beer.

13.  We don’t have the money for that either.  You can go to the golf course with me if you are quiet.

I doubt my childhood was much different from most of my classmates.  But I sure did like more attention than the other kids.  Any attention really, good  or bad, just please notice me.

ENOUGH!!  My wife and I just celebrated out thirty-sixth wedding anniversary!  Our thirty year old daughter is married to a great guy and they have a five-year old son and a fourteen week old daughter.  Our twenty-six year old daughter (although widowed three years ago) has a great guy who looks at three-year old Cooper as his son and Coop to him as his daddy.  Our twenty-one year old daughter has been in a relationship with a young man she went to highschool with and there is talk of marriage (come day).  Ummm Brindon don’t forget to talk to the father first.    After much discussion between my wife and I and our three older children we then prayed about what God has in store for us in this season of life.  So in November of 2009 we adopted.  So in addition to the aforementioned daughters we also have an eight year old daughter and a five-year old son!

I am in very good physical health.  I am in good mental health.  I believe my spiritual life is on track.  I have a wife that not only loves me but is also committed to me.  I have five wonderful, happy and healthy children.  I have two very active grandsons and a beautiful little granddaughter.  My peach trees are doing well.  My plum-tree is loaded.  Our vegetable garden is going gangbusters.  We have a fantastic church family.

LIFE IS GOOD AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THESE BLESSINGS!

Keep The Children – Send The Parents Back

I can not begin to tell you the range of emotions I have felt since this sad and tragic story broke.

First of all, we have close personal friends who adopted three children from Russia.  The children were two brothers and a sister ranging in ages from six to eleven.  This was more than a decade ago.  None of the children spoke english and the adoptive family did not speak Russian.  To say it was difficult from the beginning would be accurate but would not really give you any sense of what life was like for the adoptive children or the adoptive family.  I must say that I truly admire the adoptive family.  The children posed more than cultural challenges.  But I think that most people fail to step back and try to look at things through the eyes of adoptive children.  Really think about that for just a minute.  They have hopes and dreams too.  They want to be love and accepted.  They want to be safe and to feel secure.  They want some sense of belonging.  They want to not have to worry about their day-to-day life… where will they live?  Who will they live with?  What will they wear?  What will they eat?  Just imagine not having any control over a single aspect of  your life.   Is it any wonder that many adoptive children are less than what adoptive parents dream of adopting?!

Can I just get real.  When I heard about the mother sending that young Russian boy back to Russia… alone on that long plane flight and then a two-hour ride with a stranger to his final destination it made me so angry that if there were absolutely no consequences what-so-ever (legal or spiritual) I would find that woman and beat the living crap out of her!!  Seriously.  But fortunately for her I am bound by legal restraints and (most importantly) spiritual edict.  And yes I know that since I even had the thought… Forgive me Father.  Thank You.

I think there are a whole lot of adoptive parents who are just selfish, foolhardy individuals.  They have this fantasy dream of what their life would be like if they could just adopt a perfect little “Johnny” or perfect little “Suzy.”  Guess what folks, you are messed up in the head!  What sort of chance do you think your adoptive child stands since your head is messed up beginning this process?!  Properly caring for (adoptive or birth) children takes sacrifice!  When you determine that you are going to raise a child what you really should be saying is, “I hear by give up my rights as an individual.  I will make all future decisions based on what is BEST for my child.  I will be selfless.  I will provide for my child in every way needed.  If my child needs extra help in a certain or specific area that I am unable to understand or provide, I will seek out those who can provide that help.  I will learn what I need to learn to help my child through whatever he/she needs help with.  I will nurture my child and teach he/she discipline.  I will demonstrate to my child how to succeed by helping him/her succeed.  I will be the rock that my child can always count on.  I will not be perfect but I will faithful to him/her.  When I screw up I will tell him/her that I screwed up and I will try to do better.  I WILL BE THE PARENT!!”

Now I would love to say that I have been perfect and true to all of that but that would be a lie.  I have learned most of what I know by not doing it right the first or fourteenth time.  But I know it now.

And if you haven’t read any of my previous Bolg posts our family has also adopted two children.  We know first hand the difficulties.  But we also know first hand, the rewards of staying true to our beliefs and working through the less than perfect scenarios.

Be a blessing to your children.  They need and deserve nothing less!

THE DAY OUR LIVES WERE FOREVER ALTERED!

 

Sgt. Buddy James Hughie was shot and killed by a Taliban sniper while (serving as an army medic) rendering aid to wounded Afghani Army National soldiers.  Buddy went to the aid of men who had darker skin, were of a different religion, had different customs and spoke a different language.  He was credited with saving the lives of two of those foreign soldiers.  Perhaps those men are with their children today. 

Buddy was posthumously awarded the Purple Heart and two Bronze Stars with Valor for his selfless acts of heroism that day on a foreign battle field.  He was to rotate home in less than three months to rejoin us, his bride of two years and baby Cooper… age thirteen weeks and three days.

We will always remember the two weeks Daddy Buddy was home for the birth of baby Cooper.  He was up night and day with his little boy, feeding him, changing his diaper and cradling him in his arms as he looked lovingly into his eyes.  I can clearly remember Buddy holding Cooper while looking at his newborn pink skin and saying in an awe-struck, loving voice (almost a whisper) “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for him.

This video still makes me cry when I watch it:  http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=6648845

Sgt Buddy James Hughie (right)

Sgt Hughie personally volunteered to go on every mission into the local villages to inoculate local children like these.

Sgt Hughie’s Memorial Service in Afghanistan

NOW FOR A PERSONAL MESSAGE:

Thirteen weeks and three days after this picture was taken….

I remember meeting Buddy for the first time.  He looked me in the eye, shook my hand and had that big smile he was famous for.  At that time we had three daughters that were of dating age so I had done the drill of “meet this guy” a few times.  I knew there was something different about Buddy because I did not dislike him right off.  There was just something about him that was appealing.

Eventually Buddy became more than my daughter’s boyfriend.  He became my employee, he became my friend.  For nearly a year we rode side by side in my work van everyday.  We talked about everything.  I was very fortunate in that I was able to closely observe him in a daily basis.  I was able to watch how he interacted with people, how he treated them and how he did not treat them. 

One day when we sat down for lunch and the waitress brought our food Buddy looks across the table to me and says, “Before we eat I need to ask you something.”  What’s up, I replied.  “I would like your permission to marry Alexis.”  I smiled and told him that of course he could have my permission and that I was happy to move our relationship to the next level.  Buddy was just an old-fashioned guy and I liked that.

Whenever we would see Buddy and Alexis together they always looked so happy and full of life.   Their love for each other was obvious.  He treated her like a queen, always doing all the little things that a young man does when he adores his woman. 

A little over a year after they married Buddy deployed to Afghanistan, Asia.  While he was deployed Alexis moved back in with us.  By now she was pregnant so we converted our diningroom into a bedroom for her and the baby.  Buddy scheduled his leave to coincide with the birth of their baby.  He so wanted to be there for every moment he could with their baby.  You see, Buddy never met his father.  He was determined to be the daddy that he never had.  He was home on leave two days before Alexis went into labor and infant Cooper was born.  I wish you all could have seen the radiance on both of their faces.  The way they looked at each other and infant Cooper is etched into my mind’s eye.  I can still see Buddy feeding Cooper, burping him, changing his diaper, talking to  him and snuggling with him in the bed.

After feeding and changing Cooper’s diaper it’s time for some sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buddy holding Cooper and Carter. 

 

Buddy holding Cooper with Porter.

The man who many others would eventually come to know as a bona-fide American Hero was the man we knew as:

HUSBAND, DADDY and FRIEND.

Our lives are richer because Buddy James Hughie became a member of our family.  He loved us and we love him.  I only wish I could have better appreciated  just how close we all are back then. 

 

Some of Our Experiences These Last Four Years

My wife and I are each in our early to mid 50s and just adopted a five and seven-year old brother and sister.  We have three bio-daughters.  Our eldest married with a four-year old son and is due to have our third grandchild in four days!   Our middle daughter is widowed (Afghanistan, that’s another story for another day) and they have a three-year old boy.   Our youngest (bio) daughter is working  and going to a local community college (the jobs is in her career field at a local hospital).

We know the family where our “new kids” came from.  Their bio parents just wore their family down with promises of we will quit doing….. we will get our life on track, etc.  The family was so put off by these two (insert negative adjective here) that when it came time for the Department of Social Services to remove the (then) two and four-year olds the maternal grandmother actually said to either put them in Foster Care or in the orphanage up state.  That’s when the mom asked DSS to check with us to see if we would be willing to care for them while they finished getting their act together.  Originally it was only supposed to be for a few months but weeks turned into months and months turned into years.    After more than a year and a half of failed drug tests, court appearances and failures to complete court ordered Anger Management classes my wife and I began to pray about the next step.   Eventually it became clear that the Lord has placed us in relationship with this family as His back-up plan for these innocent children.  So we talked to our girls and we all agreed adoption is what the Lord would have for us to do in this season of our life.   Now keep in mind we received these children under the state’s safety plan.  Which means our home is a safe place and we don’t get any money from anyone.  So automatically we needed to come up with money for pullups, wipes, extra food and all the things young children need.  The big one was the $800 a month in child care!  Ouch! 

We originally got involved with the family when our church called to ask if we would be willing to help out a single father who was raising a four months old infant.  We all talked about it and since my wife is out of school for the summer…  So we would go and pick her up at 6:15sh and bring her back in the evening about the same time.  Some times we would keep her over night and on weekends.  Not only to give him a break but we had come to love the little  baby girl too.   That was the summer of 2002 and we had no idea how providential that summer would be. 

Eventually we learned that the reason the birth father had the baby on his own was because when mom was PREGNANT with the baby she got so drunk that she ran over a guy and killed him!  What a beginning for this little girl!  So mom get’s out of prison when the girl is two, they seem to get their act together, get married, start going to church, start saying all the things people want to hear, she gets pregnant and dang if the little boy isn’t born addicted to drugs!!  Now remember, because she was drinking and doing drugs during her first pregnancy, she killed an innocent pedestrian!  But I guess that’s not a big deal because DSS let her take the baby home under the supervision of the birth-father.  Did I mention that birth-father has already confessed to DSS that he has a cocaine problem?  Unbelievable! What do you think would have happened if these two children were little puppies?  And you know what else?  The birth-mother was still on probation from her previous vehicular homicide conviction!  Why wasn’t she violated and sent back to prison?

Anyway, the birth-father says he didn’t even know the birth-mother was doing drugs (he should make a good supervisor) so he is a bit ticked off.  He won’t have anything to do with the little infant boy and I think he (the baby boy) spent most of the first two years of his life either in his crib or play pen. That is complete speculation on my part.  But I have been around a bunch of two-year olds and when he came to us he was very withdrawn, walked with his head down and barely made any sounds much less speak.

The bio parents did not passed a  drug test in three years and both were convicted (again) of domestic abuse in October of 08.  But if you ask them they will tell you “I love my kids”.  Okay, really?!  I guess I can throw in the reason Social Services finally decided to remove the children is because mom got caught driving drunk with the kids in the car!  Heck, she’s already killed one person driving drunk!  Now she has the kids in the car driving drunk!!!  I mean what does it take?  But she loves her kids?!  Right.

Anyway, I will give the mother a little bit of credit… but just a little.  It took her a few years but  eventually she relinquished her parental rights.  No one has heard from dad for quite some time.  He hasn’t been around much since the judge ordered him to take his pay stub down and sign up for child support.  That was October of 06.   But he loves his kids too!

We went to court on July 31, 2009 for a trial to decide if the dad’s parental rights will be terminated.  Everyone says it looks like a slam dunk, but I guess you never know.

As I looked back over those last twenty-six or so months I can see God’s faithful hand.  As sad as it is, for some reason it’s easier (for me) to recognise His faithfulness when it comes to finances.  How sad is that?  Coming up with the extra eight hundred dollars a month for child care in those early months was a challenge but it was always there.  I remember that first Christmas someone walked up to me at church and handed me a check for four hundred dollars and said they wanted to make sure the kids had a good Christmas.  I knew what he meant so I didn’t go into my spill about what Christmas was all about.  Then some time in 07 the transmission in my wife’s Buick Regal went out.  So since my son-in-law had been killed in action in Afghanistan that same year she began driving his Dodge truck.  It sucked the gas and that was when the gas was over $4 a gallon too!  You will never believe what happened next.  Our “new kids’ maternal aunt and uncle, who by most standards are a bit affluent had an 02 Chrysler Town and Country with AM/FM/CD/DVD/PLAY STATION II/monitors in the head rests, a thirteen inch TV that folds down from the ceiling, leather and wood trim throughout with less than seventy thousand  miles… they gave it to us!!  Well that’s not EXACTLY true.  My dad died about eight years previous to this and we had just gotten back (I mean within two weeks) from the six hundred something miles one way trip to visit my mom.  Since my dad’s estate was in Louisiana and their law is different it took some  time to settle the estate.  I have five siblings so after all was said and done my part of my dad’s estate was eight hundred twenty-four dollars.  Before these people gave us the Chrysler Town and Country they said something like, “We want to give you guys the van but we have had some work done on it at the dealer (they were going to sell it) and if you can come up with the money to pay the dealer we will give you the van.  Guess how much the dealer bill was?  Eight hundred dollars exactly… but it needed gas so we put the other twenty dollars in the tank!

Honestly, at times I do wonder… what do people who retire do with their lives?  There is so much excitement and challenges in raising children.  You have to stay active (both mentally and physically).

After all what did Jesus say, “Let the little ones come unto Me.” (my paraphrase)

I have often heard our pastor say, “God’s will done God’s way has God’s provision.”

The adoption was finalized in December 2009.  We are still waiting on all the necessary paper work for the legal name changes, etc. but life is good.  Our youngest daughter is currently taking dance  and has her first recital in May.  Our son is currently playing flag football in with our local Recreation Department.  I have been the oldest daddy on a few field trips and I look at those 20something year old parents and sort of smile to myself.

We pray that He continues to provide and that we do our best to hear His voice and to be obedient to It.

Prophetic word.

My local church is a nondenominational church.  One of the criticisms that non denominational churches get is that the Senior Pastor is not accountable to anyone.  I understand, of course, that we are ALL ultimately accountable to the Lord but some people need to know that their church leader is not just out there doing willy-nilly whatever he personally chooses.  Some pastors have taken advantage of their position of authority and “wounded” many souls.  I am very pleased to say that I completely believe that my pastor is obedient to the voice of the Lord and that he also submits to his pastor’s guidance.

Some years ago my pastor wisely recognised his need/desire to find himself (and ultimately his “flock”) a pastor’s pastor.  He is involved with a group of other pastors who meet (via conference call) on a weekly basis.  Periodically our pastor’s pastor (Pastor Rod) comes to visit.  Pastor Rod (ironically) is from the same Cajun home town that my mother is from so when he comes to visit and speak/teach I can easily understand his sense of humor and relate to his stories. 

Last month when Pastor Rod was visiting our church he prophesied over some people.  Not everyone but most (I think).  The following is the word he had for me and my Mrs.

**I WAS VERY CAREFUL TO TRANSCRIBE THIS VERBATIM.  I MAY NOT HAVE PUNCTUATED PROPERLY BUT THESE ARE THE EXACT WORDS.**

 

SATURDAY, JANUARY 24, 2009 – Pastor Rod

 

Michael the boudin man.  God we thank you for Michael.  This is your wife?  Your wife?  Bonnie is your wife? Your married?  35 years that’s a long time.  That’s good.  She’s good to you, yeh.  Yeh, I married Mary, I married her when she was 11.  Yeh you married…yeh, no doubt about it, beautiful women marry ugly men.  Holy Spirit we anoint them, in Jesus name, in Jesus name. There’s fresh oil coming (from heaven).  There’s fresh oil coming Michael.  I’m just…I just hear this word.  God says I’m going to take the wildness you had in your old life and I’m going to anoint you to be a wild man in the House of the Lord, to to be anointed to take authority over the powers of darkness and set the captives free.  In Jesus name.  In Jesus name.  And, and God I just hear the Word of the Lord as Michael gets close to the authority of the House, come under good, come under good support him.  There’s a spirit of prayer on your life and God wants to increase it in days to come to come under your pastor to under gird him with prayer in Jesus name.  Let’s hear this word for both of you.  Deacons in the House.  Servants in the House.  In Jesus name serve the tables, go to the pastor and pastor whatever… pastor you’re getting ready to build a new building.  God is going to anoint your hands to work out there and to help and to be a labor in the field in Jesus name. 

 

God bless this woman.  God increase her in days to come, in Jesus name.  You are not a reject. You are not a nobody. You are a somebody in God’s Kingdom, in Jesus name.  You love folks not the Lord says come forth and start lovin them. Just start reaching out to them, in Jesus name the enemy has tried to keep a bushel over your life.  I just see a spirit of rejection.  Intimidation has tried to  come against your mind… hey, I can’t do anything.  God says you can, I’ve anointed you to do, I’ve anointed you to be in Jesus name.  I see the gifts of helps inside of you, to be a helper in the House of the Lord and to use these hands to serve the table, in Jesus name.  I see you spreading out food at tables.  I see you serving people.  I see you loving people with the love of your hands and your heart in Jesus name.

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I think when these sort of moments happen in our lives it is important to make the time to get the recorded message and to transcribe it.  That way you can read over it time and again.  I think this enables one (or at least me) to more easily see the path and to recognise that when certain moments appear it was not by happen-stance.  It is important (to me) to recognize the Divine Order over/in my life!

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UPDATE

February 4th, 2010

This morning has begun as a most challenging morning.  I was looking back through some of my earlier posts and “stumbled across” this one.  I sure needed to hear this again.  I think I’ll print it out, laminate it and keep it in my Bible to regularly review it.

Since this prophetic word was spoken over me we have adopted a five-year old boy and a seven-year old daughter (they are biological siblings).  It was forty-two month process but God was faithful in every way to see us through all the necessary legal hoops.

ADOPTION FINALIZED!!!

That was almost fun!  The judge asked the Mrs. which child she wanted to sit
in her lap as she testified so our daughter went up with her.  Now here is our son 
(5 years old) and me sitting at that big table.  He reaches up and grabs the
mic’ and bends it down to his mouth and began answering the questions with
the Mrs.  I thought the judge was going to bust out laughing!  He was
grinning from ear to ear as he motioned for me to let our son be, that it was
okay.  It was hilarious!

Then when our son and I went up to testify, OMG!  The boy has somehow gotten
my DNA ’cause he hasn’t a shy bone in his body.  He answered a few questions
with me.   ”Yes sir.”  Then when the judge asked him who his mommy was he
smiled real big and pointed to the Mrs. and then when asked who his daddy was
he smiled real big , turned in my lap and pointed at me.  Finally the judge
thanked him for “testifying” and our son leans into the mic’ and says, “You’re
welcome.”   What a hoot!

We didn’t get into the court room until about eleven and the judge actually
thanked us for bringing some happiness into his courtroom.

Some may think that after over forty-two months of working through this process that this is a “happy ending”  but in all actuality it is truly a happy beginning!”

Why go international when you can stay local?

I’ve been wondering lately…  In many cases adoptive parents will spend tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a child from a foreign country.  Now don’t get me wrong I believe that every single child deserves a home where they can be loved and cared for.  What I don’t get is why people will go to such effort to (basically) purchase their child from a foreign government.

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you know that our family is in the final throes of completing the adoption of “our” five year old son and seven year old daughter.  They are biological brother and sister.  I won’t go into the sordid story as too how this all happened.  If you don’t know and want to know you can look back through previous posts.

Here’s one thing I learned while attending our Parenting Class at the local Department of Social Services.  Most people want to adopt an infant child who is perfect in every way (not even the hint of  a single defect).  No physical, psychological or emotional problems.  Well guess what, not even birth parents are guaranteed that!  So why is it that some perspective adoptive parents have this fantasy of a “perfect” infant child?  I know, I know, it’s only human nature to want only the best for your child and family.  Our family are no different in that regard.  With the pregnancy of each of our birth children we dreamt and prayed for a healthy baby.  We have been blessed that the Creator’s plan for us was to honor our prayers.

Perhaps in a later Blog post I will address why it is that the vast majority of people view the perfect infant child as one who has no physical defects and by all scientific terms falls into the proper percentile of the various fields of measurement.

But to get back on topic;  We know first hand how difficult it can be to adopt a child from The State.  God knows it can be exasperating, pre=”">aggrevating, annoying and will just plain ol tick you off at times.  However, it is important to keep the end goal in mind.  We are not doing this for our benefit!  I think that is where the biggest difference lyes.  Some perspective adoptive parents plan to adopt a child for what the child can do for them.  I think that attitude or expectation perverts the relationship from the git-go.  Instead of wanting to provide a nurturing, loving environment for a child in need they want a child for what the child can fulfill for them!!  That is a pretty heavy load to place on a child who, for all intense and purposes, has already had too much trauma in their little life.

One of the exercises we (as a group) had to do during our Parenting Class was;  each couple or individual was given a card.  On this card was the name of a child or siblings, which included their first name and a brief (true) history of the environment they came from.  Also listed were any “issues” the child/children had demonstrated (playing with matches, acting out sexually, aggressive behavior, et .).  Then we went around the table and stated why or why not we would adopt this particular child.   How would we handle the various “issues” each child had.  I was saddened and shocked to find that about 90 percent of the people said they would not adopt a child who had “issues”.  Now keep in mind that each of these people had previously said they wanted to adopt because they love children and want to give them a loving and nurturing home.   LIARS!  I mean, excuse me!?  You mean you want a perfect little child who can fulfill some void you have and one who can fulfill your fantasy of your perfect family with the white picket fence and all.  You disgust me.

So those can be some of the horrors of Adopting Local.  Now for International Adoptions.  We have not done this but have close friends who have.  They adopted three children from Russia.  All three children were under the age of eight at the time of adoption.  They ended up with a “buy two and get the third free” package.  They spent over forty thousand dollars (cash money).  Then of course they had to bring with them anything the child would need.  They get the child (basically) naked.   This particular International Adoption story began as a wonderful story book tale.  However, two of the three children eventually ended up in trouble with the law while the third still struggles to keep it all together.

I have had some people tell me that God placed on their heart to adopt internationally.  Really?  Didn’t God know that there are hundreds or perhaps thousands of needy children right in your own local community?  I wonder why God didn’t place you in that foreign country near those children.  Is it at least possible that YOU saw the need for foreign orphans THEN PRAYED FOR GOD TO BLESS WHAT YOU WANT?!  Of course, I can not see into any person’s heart.

Here are the statistics from the INTERCOUNTRY ADOPTION – Office of Children’s Issues, United States Department of State.

2000 – 18,477

2001 – 19,224

2002 – 21,378

2003 – 21,516

2004 – 22,884

2005 – 22,739

2006 – 20,679

2007 – 19,613

2008 – 17,488

Total 191,988 INTERNATIONALLY ADOPTED CHILDREN

I also found that “cash out of pocket” International Adoption can range from $11,325.00 – $20,679.00.  So using my mad math skills if I average those two sums and then multiply that by the number of adoptions for the years 2000 through 2008 I come up with THREE BILLION, SEVENTY-TWO MILLION, THREE HUNDRED FIFTY-ONE THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED NINETY-SIX DOLLARS ($3,072,351,996)!  Wow that’s one heck-of-a-lot of money spent to help only 191,998 children.

Can you imagine (with me) what the International Community would look like if more than three billion dollars had been spent on improving the lives of ALL the children in those countries?  How life altering would that be if orphaned children in foreign countries were the benefactors of US dollars?  Instead of seeing US as people who are taking a child here and there, US could be seen as building entire communities where orphaned children could (possibly) receive the best care imaginable.  What would the future of ALL of those children look like?

Now continue to dream with me.  What would our own local communities look like of  those parents who adopted Internationally had adopted the unwanted, unloved, abused and neglected children out of their very own “back yards?”   I dare say the world would look at US in a very different light.  I further dare to say that the Creator of those little lives would look on (not only US) but each of us in a very different light.

Once again, I can not see into the human heart to determine it’s intent.  Whether the intent is to fulfill a personal (aka prideful) dream or to sacrifice their life for that of one who can not defend or provide for themself.  Adoption should be a selfless, sacrificial life style.  If you are not willing to sacrifice YOUR LIFE at least send a check to an orphanage in your local area.

There’s got to be more I can do for these children.

These have been (some) of my experiences.

Much has been debated over the centuries as to the existance of God.  Many who do not believe in God challenge, “Where’s your proof?”  Generally speaking that question is usually followed-up with name calling (both to the one who believes and the One, Whom we believe in).

I don’t have the answers for them.  I do know that I have (personally) had some very unique experiences that anchor my beliefe in the Most High God.  At one time in my life when I caused myself to “hit bottom” I reached out… again to the Comforter.  I did so because I “heard” Him say, “Come to me now or I will not pursue you any longer.”  You see up unto that point in my life I had used God as my Almighty Bail Bondsman.  No not to get out of jail but like, “Oh Lord, if You will just get me out of this mess…” kind of thing.  I know that the Bible says that God will never leave us nor forsake us and at this particular time I felt like God was saying to me, “I won’t pursue you.  It’s all going to be up to you to get yourself through life.  Do you really think you can do it all on your own?”  When I say I “heard” I don’t mean an audible voice but rather a split second conversation of sorts.

So anyway, I was in this dire situation when He came to me in a most dramatic way.  I have no scientific proof and I don’t need scientific proof.   In that moment even the air felt different.  What I do know is that when He and I finished our conversation I was transformed from an angry, frightened and unsure about my future man to a man of immeasurable peace and completely comfortable about what the future held for me.  I can not begin to explain the overwhelming sense of… I don’t know, peace and contentment just doesn’t seem adequate to describe it.  I was changed.  My situation and circumstances had not changed but I had.

That was the moment for me.  The defining moment that anchored my faith.   Of course I have had many challenges since then.  Difficult and painful challenges.  And I have not always answered those challenges the way I should have.  But, I have been able to recognise where I’ve made poor choices and turn from them back to Him.  Before The Encounter I may or may not have recognized my failure and if I had would likely have felt a sense of “Ha, got away with that one.”

Another spiritual marker in my life was when my father died.  That was such a dark, depressing time and also a  time of great questioning. I wrote about my deliverance from that here:

http://mssc54.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/my-angel-story/

I have personally witnessed a man’s leg grow two inches.  I have personally seen a little girl with a three inch platform shoe on one foot throw that shoe away when her leg miraculously measured to the length of the other.  I have (time and time again) received financial blessings that could not be explained or planned for.  I have sustained traumatic injuries and healed from them far beyond all the doctors expectations.  My life has been transformed and by my life’s transformation my family has not only been made whole but flourished.

I know there will be those who can take each of these instances in my life and explain them away with some sort of scientific explanation or possibly psychological disorder.  How sad for them. 

All I know is that God is real in my life.

Stop The Blame and Take Responsibility!

Some times I look back on my life and try to evaluate the times where I felt like my world was falling apart.  What happened?  What role did I play?  What responsibility did I have?  What can I learn from that?  How should I respond in the future?    Wouldn’t it be great if I could learn (the first time) from where/when I make a poor choice?

As I have been (intentionally) reviewing one specific event in my life (see previous Blog post)   I have had somewhat of an epiphany.  For over three decades I have allowed this event to shadow me.  I have been looking at how wounded, hurt and traumatized I have been.  Poor, poor me.  I hadn’t for a single second considered how my actions affected everyone else around me.  I have carried anger, resentment and even shame with me for so long that it had become a “right.”  After all I was a mere child.  Bologna!  I knew right from wrong.  I knew that I was challenging the authority over me.  But I wanted to do what I wanted to do.  I wanted to act up and make jokes.  It was all about me!!

Well guess what Buck-O.  It wasn’t about just me!  It was about the coaches and the other players too!   It should have been about honoring the authority set over me and complying with their wishes and directives  the first time I was corrected.  But noooooooo, I had to push it (as usual).  My coach held me accountable for my actions.  That’s it.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I can finally look back on the events of that fateful night and see that I was not the only one affected by my actions.  I can now recognise that coach tried to allow me back on the team by letting the entire team vote me on or off.  But I was such a jerk most of the time that not even the other players wanted me around!  I can’t imagine how coach felt when he realized that, in spite of his efforts to reinstate me, it was a done deal.  I’m sure he would have never guessed that the vote would have been so lopsided.

Rarely does life allow us any do-overs.  If I could I would certainly make better choices.  Not only with regards to this event but through most of my adolescence.  My mouth has always been my biggest challenge.  Still is, if you want to know the truth.

I’m sorry coach for not allowing you to do your job without my disruption.  You were a good coach and I did learn a lot from you.  And to my former team mates, I’m sorry that I was such a jerk to be around.  I wish I had been a better player and  I certainly wish I had been a better friend.

And no I’m not beating myself up.  I’m just reviewing the facts of my life and trying to recognise (once again) where it is that I have responsibility!