MODERN DAY PARENTING

The following is a glimpse into how some parents are…. well you read it and let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Below is text that I copied/pasted from one of my Facebook friends.  I have changed the names.  Everything else is just as the commentors have written it.

CAST OF CHARAC TERS;  Haley is the daughter of Alicia.  TEEN GIRL is friends with Haley and Alicia and apparently not very fond of how Haley speaks to Alicia (her friend’s mother).

TEEN GIRL: @ Haley, I dont know you other than seeing you with Betty or at Alicias. But i just want to say that i have known Alicia for going on 2 years and she does not lie. She is an adult and doesnt have to explain her self to you. If anything she tells it like it is and you are being rude and ugly to her when all she does is …try to help people. She doesnt deserve the way you are talking/messaging her, and she doesnt have to put up with it. She doesnt let her kids talk to her like that, so why should you be any different? Again she is the adult you are not. Im sorry, but this had to be said. Hope you have a good night.    Thursday 10:48pm 

THE MOTHER: well, as Hellens mother, I know that Hellen gets angry and says things she shouldnt but I also know that I kind of understand how she feels. Its not nice to keep secrets and be the target of the secrets. It is also not nice to purchase phones… for children and have them keep it s secret from their parents. But maybe thats considered the same thing they are telling Hellen….you didnt ask so we didnt tell. As a parent, I think that is unacceptable! I shouldn’t HAVE to ask my child if someone purchased her a phone or anything else. If she doesnt have one, then maybe I, as her parent, have a reason for that. You think?    Friday at 8:19am

THE MOTHER: Personally, I love Betty and I love that she is my daughters friend. And I try to stay out of Hellens business, but I still know her business at the same time….but I feel she needs to live her life and make her mistakes, I will be here to help her through tham. But I was already a teenager….I think I’ll let her be one too. However I am not sure if Betty will be allowed to remain friends with Hellen now and if not…it will not be my doing….. Friday at 8:24am ·

TEEN GIRL:  i understand and get all of that, and like i said i dont know Hellen except for passing by. But it seems to me a child should never talk to an adult the way she did alicia. Thats just my opinon. and you can let her be a teenager and at the same time have rules. Friday at 8:39am ·

THE MOTHER:  yes, I agree. She should not talk to an adult like that AND I told her that….to her face, not on fb. But as you said you dont know Hellen, NOR do you know me. However, it sounds like you have already formed an opinin of me, but I will say that I have rules! Fortunately, they donot include lying to the parents of my childs friends or sneeking around them with the “dont ask, dont tell” theory.  Friday at 11:00am ·

TEEN GIRL let me just say that I have not formed an opinin of you, i dont know you. I was simply stating that I thought it was rude for her to talk to an adult like that.   Friday at 11:33am

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Some of Our Experiences These Last Four Years

My wife and I are each in our early to mid 50s and just adopted a five and seven-year old brother and sister.  We have three bio-daughters.  Our eldest married with a four-year old son and is due to have our third grandchild in four days!   Our middle daughter is widowed (Afghanistan, that’s another story for another day) and they have a three-year old boy.   Our youngest (bio) daughter is working  and going to a local community college (the jobs is in her career field at a local hospital).

We know the family where our “new kids” came from.  Their bio parents just wore their family down with promises of we will quit doing….. we will get our life on track, etc.  The family was so put off by these two (insert negative adjective here) that when it came time for the Department of Social Services to remove the (then) two and four-year olds the maternal grandmother actually said to either put them in Foster Care or in the orphanage up state.  That’s when the mom asked DSS to check with us to see if we would be willing to care for them while they finished getting their act together.  Originally it was only supposed to be for a few months but weeks turned into months and months turned into years.    After more than a year and a half of failed drug tests, court appearances and failures to complete court ordered Anger Management classes my wife and I began to pray about the next step.   Eventually it became clear that the Lord has placed us in relationship with this family as His back-up plan for these innocent children.  So we talked to our girls and we all agreed adoption is what the Lord would have for us to do in this season of our life.   Now keep in mind we received these children under the state’s safety plan.  Which means our home is a safe place and we don’t get any money from anyone.  So automatically we needed to come up with money for pullups, wipes, extra food and all the things young children need.  The big one was the $800 a month in child care!  Ouch! 

We originally got involved with the family when our church called to ask if we would be willing to help out a single father who was raising a four months old infant.  We all talked about it and since my wife is out of school for the summer…  So we would go and pick her up at 6:15sh and bring her back in the evening about the same time.  Some times we would keep her over night and on weekends.  Not only to give him a break but we had come to love the little  baby girl too.   That was the summer of 2002 and we had no idea how providential that summer would be. 

Eventually we learned that the reason the birth father had the baby on his own was because when mom was PREGNANT with the baby she got so drunk that she ran over a guy and killed him!  What a beginning for this little girl!  So mom get’s out of prison when the girl is two, they seem to get their act together, get married, start going to church, start saying all the things people want to hear, she gets pregnant and dang if the little boy isn’t born addicted to drugs!!  Now remember, because she was drinking and doing drugs during her first pregnancy, she killed an innocent pedestrian!  But I guess that’s not a big deal because DSS let her take the baby home under the supervision of the birth-father.  Did I mention that birth-father has already confessed to DSS that he has a cocaine problem?  Unbelievable! What do you think would have happened if these two children were little puppies?  And you know what else?  The birth-mother was still on probation from her previous vehicular homicide conviction!  Why wasn’t she violated and sent back to prison?

Anyway, the birth-father says he didn’t even know the birth-mother was doing drugs (he should make a good supervisor) so he is a bit ticked off.  He won’t have anything to do with the little infant boy and I think he (the baby boy) spent most of the first two years of his life either in his crib or play pen. That is complete speculation on my part.  But I have been around a bunch of two-year olds and when he came to us he was very withdrawn, walked with his head down and barely made any sounds much less speak.

The bio parents did not passed a  drug test in three years and both were convicted (again) of domestic abuse in October of 08.  But if you ask them they will tell you “I love my kids”.  Okay, really?!  I guess I can throw in the reason Social Services finally decided to remove the children is because mom got caught driving drunk with the kids in the car!  Heck, she’s already killed one person driving drunk!  Now she has the kids in the car driving drunk!!!  I mean what does it take?  But she loves her kids?!  Right.

Anyway, I will give the mother a little bit of credit… but just a little.  It took her a few years but  eventually she relinquished her parental rights.  No one has heard from dad for quite some time.  He hasn’t been around much since the judge ordered him to take his pay stub down and sign up for child support.  That was October of 06.   But he loves his kids too!

We went to court on July 31, 2009 for a trial to decide if the dad’s parental rights will be terminated.  Everyone says it looks like a slam dunk, but I guess you never know.

As I looked back over those last twenty-six or so months I can see God’s faithful hand.  As sad as it is, for some reason it’s easier (for me) to recognise His faithfulness when it comes to finances.  How sad is that?  Coming up with the extra eight hundred dollars a month for child care in those early months was a challenge but it was always there.  I remember that first Christmas someone walked up to me at church and handed me a check for four hundred dollars and said they wanted to make sure the kids had a good Christmas.  I knew what he meant so I didn’t go into my spill about what Christmas was all about.  Then some time in 07 the transmission in my wife’s Buick Regal went out.  So since my son-in-law had been killed in action in Afghanistan that same year she began driving his Dodge truck.  It sucked the gas and that was when the gas was over $4 a gallon too!  You will never believe what happened next.  Our “new kids’ maternal aunt and uncle, who by most standards are a bit affluent had an 02 Chrysler Town and Country with AM/FM/CD/DVD/PLAY STATION II/monitors in the head rests, a thirteen inch TV that folds down from the ceiling, leather and wood trim throughout with less than seventy thousand  miles… they gave it to us!!  Well that’s not EXACTLY true.  My dad died about eight years previous to this and we had just gotten back (I mean within two weeks) from the six hundred something miles one way trip to visit my mom.  Since my dad’s estate was in Louisiana and their law is different it took some  time to settle the estate.  I have five siblings so after all was said and done my part of my dad’s estate was eight hundred twenty-four dollars.  Before these people gave us the Chrysler Town and Country they said something like, “We want to give you guys the van but we have had some work done on it at the dealer (they were going to sell it) and if you can come up with the money to pay the dealer we will give you the van.  Guess how much the dealer bill was?  Eight hundred dollars exactly… but it needed gas so we put the other twenty dollars in the tank!

Honestly, at times I do wonder… what do people who retire do with their lives?  There is so much excitement and challenges in raising children.  You have to stay active (both mentally and physically).

After all what did Jesus say, “Let the little ones come unto Me.” (my paraphrase)

I have often heard our pastor say, “God’s will done God’s way has God’s provision.”

The adoption was finalized in December 2009.  We are still waiting on all the necessary paper work for the legal name changes, etc. but life is good.  Our youngest daughter is currently taking dance  and has her first recital in May.  Our son is currently playing flag football in with our local Recreation Department.  I have been the oldest daddy on a few field trips and I look at those 20something year old parents and sort of smile to myself.

We pray that He continues to provide and that we do our best to hear His voice and to be obedient to It.

What makes our family so special?

Many of you who regularly (or even sporadically) read this Blog know that at the tender ages of 49 and 51 my Mrs. and I took custody of a (then) 2 and 4 year old brother and sister.  We are currently waiting on the final court date so the judge can change the names and finalize the adoption.

My wife and I have been married for a little over 35 years and have three grown biological daughters ages 29, 25 and 20.  We also have two grandchildren ages 3.5 and 2.5.  So now our “new kids” will be Aunt Lindsay (age 7) and Uncle Porter (age 5).   What a hoot!

There have been many challenges with our “new kids”.  Children who are the byproduct of years of neglect and abuse have (I hate this term but…) special needs.  They don’t see the world as children of an intact, healthy “normal” family.  Children who are old enough to remember their biological parents have even more issues.  They have fantasies of a miraculous biological parental healing resulting in some sort of relationship with their biological family.

We, of course, are were clueless as to these issues and how to handle them.  We are still learning and so are the kids.

Our biological daughters, their husbands and children have all been 100% supportive through the entire three year process.  In fact, we talked with them before we agreed to take Lindsay and Porter under the State Emergency Safety Plan.  Then after much prayer and discussion we talked to the girls again concerning their feelings about us adopting.  They were and still are completely supportive.

The thing that I find difficult to understand is:  “Why does everyone think that we are so “wonderful”?  I just don’t get that.  So we are not “traditional” parents at our age.  So what if we are basically giving the next 15 – 20 years of our lives to (intentionally) parent  these remarkable young children.  What else would we do?  Sit around and read books, play games, travel and just have a life of leisure?  Not likely. 

I think everyone’s life is busy.  We have just determined that our life will be busy with doing what God has ordained us to do. Who else would choose differently?

Adopted, blended family?!

 I’m just so confused about what to do.  I mean we want to allow our two “new kids” to have access to their biological cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents but at this point our little girl’s counselor says NO WAY!  

Bless her little heart she is still so confused.  A few months ago there was a big incident which I wrote about  (http://mssc54.wordpress.com/2009/04/17/i-hate-you-yuore-not-my-mommy/). 

Our little girl goes to therapy twice a month for an hour.  We’ve had both children for thirty-seven months now.  For the first year her counselor would come to our home every Monday morning and “visit” with her from eight to nine.  Now, at this point, she has “graduated” to a twice a month schedule.

Here’s the most recent quandary.  One of her maternal aunts asked if the kids could spend the night a couple of weeks ago.  Although this aunt is the sister of our new kids’ biological mother they have been pretty good at not letting bio-mom have any contact what-so-ever.  However, on this particular sleep over night our little girl’s eleven year old cousin somehow brought up bio-mom during prayer time.  So much so that when our little girl came home the next day she came up to me with a huge grin on her face and said, “Daddy, I know how to spell my other mommies name!”  Then she blurted out the proper spelling of bio-mom.  What’s even worse is that she began talking about bio-dad by name!  For about a year now she had been referring to bio-dad as “that man.”   So now she not only knows how to spell bio-mom’s name correctly but also now remembers what bio-dad’s name is!

The aunt and uncle don’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation.  “It was just a mistake.”  Well “just a mistake” had our little girl writing a letter today in her counselor’s office saying that she’s sorry her other mommy is sad because she can’t see her.  The counselor told us that she feels guilty and responsible because bio-mom is sad!

So extended bio-family just slips into their life whenever it’s convenient for them, stirs up there little hearts and causes more psychological issues and doesn’t even say “sorry!”  It was “just a mistake.”

I guess we will have to go back to how contact was in the early months.  They can talk to them on the phone while we are on the extension listening but to give them unsupervised access is out of the question.  Needless to say there won’t be any more sleep overs for a very, very long time… if ever.

A couple of things that really ticked me off:  I shot off an email to bio-aunt and  uncle.  Mater of fact here it is.

To be honest I’m a little confused and more than annoyed that ”L” came home telling me that she knows how to spell her other mother’s name.  That’s never happened here and has not come up for quite some time.  Not even during to her regular hourly (weekly) counseling sessions she returned to about six weeks ago.  And talking about Gene too!  She told us (and her counselor) that she couldn’t remember “that man’s” name.  Now she spends the night with you guys and she comes home talking about Mary and Gene!!  Great!

 

I’ll just be brutally honest. I want L and P to be able to continue a relationship with their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents but if it will serve to further confuse her as to who her ONLY parents are we’ll have to reevaluate that.

 

Just to be clear, I’m more than a little ticked.

 

Michael

So then bio-aunt responds:

If you are confused then ask questions.  If you’re ticked and you are, ask yourself what is at the root of the anger.  After you’ve calmed down please call me and we’ll discuss this. You might ask L how she knew how to spell Mary. There’s a perfectly good reason.

Love,

K

Later bio-uncle responds:

Michael I know that you are upset. I just heard about it tonight. L  brought it up when she was praying. She prayed for you and B then she prayed for her other mommy and daddy. That is how it all  started. That was with E when the 2 were praying before going to bed. Have you found out what happened? Have you even asked what happened? I really want to know if this is how Jesus would handle this situation? S

Are you friggn kidding me?! WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? You’re asking ME what would Jesus do?!  Coming from the biological aunt and uncle who when their niece and nephew were four and two years old would rather let them enter into Foster Care or a state run orphanage then to alter their life and take them in and raise them?!!

My (calmer) response to the bio-aunt and uncle was this.

S:

After carefully considering your and K’s response I felt as if one last response may be in order. K and your letters indicated a couple of things that deserve some clarification. It basically revolves around two things you mentioned.

1. My anger
2. What would Jesus do

First, to be clear, my irritation is not rooted in any selfish, carnal, or immature reaction. It is rooted in what is best for two children whose biological parents ejected them from theirlives because of their selfish, carnal, and immature actions. This isn’t about you or how I may feel. It is about them and what is best  not okay or good but best. Their lives are not “normal”. They are being put back together again and to be candid, everyone needs to develop some sensitivity to that concept. B and I deal with this on a day to day basis. We are talking about therapy, counselors, lawyers, DSS, judges, and it seems a little disingenuous to me that you havedifficulty understanding why that would be a sensitive subject to us. Maybe it was time you got “put out” with the people who created this situation and exercised a little bit of attention and grace to those of us who are “in the hunt” with regards to these two children’s lives.  In fact, if we had not stepped up and did as Jesus told the disciples one day “let the little ones come unto me” I dare say that none of us would know where L and P would be today.  They would be with strangers, somewhere in the United States and we all would be left to wonder the rest of our days what ever became of them.

Secondly, what would Jesus do? Are you really so blind as to ask a question like that? Are you really so self-consumed that you cannot see that you have faced that very question on numerous occasions (regarding L and P) and did not pass the test. Do I have to list the ways that you have disqualified yourself from ever asking that question? If this didn’t involve L and P, I could almost laugh at the sheer hypocrisy of that question. Their very extended family who conveniently enters and exits as time permits…asking the C’s…what would Jesus do? I think you may need to seek the Lord on this one more than I.

Having said all that, I do think there can be value in L and P maintaining a relationship with some in their biological family. However, we are the parents. Period.  This is a big, sensitiveve topic in our household; not because of our personal insecurities, but rather every health professionals’ opinion is telling us that the relationship with their biological parents is harmful. You and K are going to have to decide how you will handle this appropriately and develop better strategies of keeping L and P on target from where their support is really coming from. It is time you all made the attempt to get in the game on this one as well.  L spent the first year of her life without her “mommy” only to have her suddenly appear then over the course of the next three years of her life to have strangers (DSS) remove her from her parents twice before we were finally asked to take them.  Imagine you are a little two or three year old girl and haveto wonder if each time these “strangers” came to visit your home if they would take you away from your mommy and daddy….again.  S you can not imagine the psychological, emotional and yes even the physical problems that continue with L to this day because of the extensive neglect she suffered at the hands of those who professed to love her.  This isn’t about you…it is about them. And because of that, I will be ever vigilant to defend the defenseless.

What is really sad, is that all you or K had to do was say, “Sorry Michael, we’ll try to catch these moments and bring better direction to it”. It would have all been over and I would have had incredible respect for you both.

I guess I will take your advice and keep asking, “What would Jesus do”? I feel like I have the fruit to show I have done exactly that. Will the cardiologist check his own heart too?

Standing for the innocent.

Michael

You know in a divorce it is pretty easy to determine what everyone’s role is.  But in an adoption case like ours where the bio family did not want their young niece or nephew and the maternal grandmother actually is the person who told DSS to put them in Foster Care or the orphanage and the bio-parents then asked DSS to ask us to take them….

Well, the lines seem blurred at times.  But for now I have decided to draw the line with a Sharpie marker.  It’s going to take a very long time for the line to fade this time.

Any suggestions or experiences would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

Happy birthday from a TV celebrity.

If you had to guess which television celebrity would most likely send this cake to a twelve year old girl; who would be your guess?

MOTHERS’ DAY 2009

You have no idea just how exactly precise the verbiage to this “cartoon” is!

So yesterday was Mothers’ Day.  Ours was quite enjoyable and a good time was had by all.  EVERYONE went over to my mother-in-laws for a back yard shindig.  Let me see if I can recall the menu: Marinated (fried) pork loin, spiral-cut honey (baked) ham, hot-dogs, pulled pork, deviled eggs, vegetable tray with that yummy dressing, sausage-baked beans, cake, ice cream, cookies and I’m probably forgetting something but it was all good!

I figure all the good mommies were addressed and affirmed yesterday.  So let me address those women who have no business reproducing.

You disgust me!  You make me sick with your selfish “it’s all about me” attitude and lifestyle!  You have a child not a frigging pet.  Well, thanks for not having an abortion but why didn’t you put the child up for adoption?  You continue doing drugs, drinking and fighting so why in the world do you keep that little human being in such an environment?  You slap them around because they try to talk or want some attention from you!  You beat the tar out of them because they did something that may make your shack-daddy want to leave you.

You are a pathetic excuse for a mother!  You SAY you love your child but your actions show that you could care less for them.  Your child is not some sort of ornament that you show off every once in a while to try to make yourself look like you have some modicum of success in your life.  EVEN A GOAT CAN GET PREGNANT AND HAVE OFFSPRING!! 

And don’t give me that crap about you have a “disease” and you can’t help your behavior either!  Fine, you have a disease.  Take you child down to Social Services and tell them that you have a disease and you need help!  But nooooooo, that might make you look like the person you truly are!

You know what?  I would rather see a woman have something happen to her that renders her unable to reproduce than to have any more of these selfish, self centered, “diseased”, abusive, drug addicted, alcoholic females bear a child into the lifestyle they lead!

NOW PUT DOWN THE BOTTLE, THE WEED, THE CRACK PIPE OR WHATEVER YOUR MOOD/MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE IS AND TAKE YOUR ABUSED AND NEGLECTED CHILDREN DOWN TO SOCIAL SERVICES.  

That may be the best thing you ever do for them!

END RANT

Oppositional Defiance Disorder

Parenting is such a challenging and rewarding lifestyle.  We recently took our little guy in for some counseling/testing.  He’s been having some problems with his behavior in school.  He’s in four year old kindergarten. 

My Mrs. went to some classes at her school last month.  In one of the classes they were talking about the different ways that boys and girls learn.   Now here’s one statistic that may well floor you as it did me.  Did you know that more children are suspended/expelled from school in four year old kindergarten than all other grades combined?!

I feel so bad for our little guy.   I mean he can’t help that his bio-dad used to beat him with a belt… before he was even two years old!  It’s not his fault that both his bio mom/dad are (still) drug abusers.   How could he stop his bio mom/dad from beating each other up?  He wasn’t even two years old, how was he supposed to get himself out of his crib/playpen to get something to eat?  How was he supposed to know if he cried just one more time that his bio-dad would blow up?  He couldn’t help but be trained to be terrified when his bio-mom said “wait until your dad gets home.”  He couldn’t stop his bio-mom from smoking pot, drinking alcohol and doing other drugs when she was pregnant?!

IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!!!

I (personally) need to get some training on this too.  I mean how am I supposed to hold a child accountable for their (mis)behavior if all the “wires” are connected properly?  How am I supposed to help him become the person he was created to be?

I may not know how to do these things yet but you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to figure it all out and help our little boy be successful and too even be a blessing to all those he comes into contact with!

Another thing that is abundantly clear to me.  I know with all certainty that God has placed this little guy and his sister in our family for a specific reason.  He knows that we ALL are lovingly committed to these children and will sacrifice anything we need to too raise them up to be the people they were created to be!

Do you appreciate your spouse?

On May the 4th me and my Mrs. will be celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary.   As with all marriages we have had some challenging times as well as times of shear bliss.

I had surgery on my ankle about a month ago which has caused me to be quite a bit more sedentary than usual.  This time has given me cause to pause and consider many things in my life.  Choices made.  Chances passed up.  Mistakes.  Successes.  The list goes on.

Since I am unable to move about as I normally would, I have had to rely on others for alot of things.  The first week after surgery my oldest daughter left work just to bring me lunch.  She not only fed my stomach that day but more importantly (to me) she fed my spirit.  Knowing that she would be thinking about me and be willing to go so far out of her way to serve her ailing daddy.  I think that not only speaks to how her mother and I raised her but more importantly speaks of our relationship.

I’ll tell you what though, my Mrs. has really had to carry the load since I am unable.  Honestly though, she has always done so.  The woman is just driven.  Back “in the day” she worked full time and went to school full time at night and on weekend.  She went on to earn her MEd in Math and Science that way!  She’s a brilliant woman.  Now that she teaches high school math she not only teaches during the day but brings homes piles and piles of papers to grade every single night!

She really is amaszing, I don’t know how she does it.  For the last month (on top of her regular stuff) she has had to do the things I normally do too.  Heck, she even fussed at me for being up and doing things.  She has done all this and never, once complained.  

My Mrs. is quite a remarkable woman and I not only love her to pieces but I appreciate her too!

Children – the really young ones (rewrite of a previous post)

Although I am a guy, a husband, a daddy I have some pretty strong opinions  regarding raising children.

I know stereotypically I should be worried about my career advancement, how much money I can horde away for the future, how I look, the car I drive and so on.

But you know what I have always been a bit off on all of that.  Although I have owned my own business since 1984 I really haven’t spent a whole lot of time trying to build it to this million dollar business as some in my industry have done.  At one time I did have five or six vans on the road but oh man the head aches.

It just seems like whenever we need a “big lick” it shows up.  And I think I know why.

As I read my Bible I see some consistent themes, love one another, take care of the little ones (for  they are helpless), don’t worry about tomorrow for the flowers in the field and the birds of the air don’t, do not store up what rust and moths can destroy.  Most of all… make sure my relationship with the Trinity is first and foremost.

I will be the first to admit  that, at times, I have fallen woefully short on my relationship with the Trinity.  That being said it really is a daily focus for me.  I mean I don’t give God my “left over” time.  I deliberately make time.  I like early in the morning.  After all “seek ye first the Kingdom” and all.  That helps me get the right attitude and motivation before I have to deal with the world as it presents itself that day.

Now about children – the really young ones.  I liken new born babies’ heart’s to that of a white dry eraser board.  When they are born their little hearts are clean and pure.  Immediately everyone around that infant begins to write on their little hearts.  And I do mean immediately.  For instance, what if the nurses in the hospital nursery have had a bad day and they are fighting with their spouse.  They may be talking about their problems with their fellow nurses, thereby exposing those pure little hearts to unnecessary trash.  I know, I know that may seem unlikely and even extreme… but that’s what I believe and I don’t think completely unrealistic.

Babies are like human sponges.  They absorb everything.  They can’t help it that’s the way they learn.  Listening, looking and being imprinted upon  by everything around them.  The sounds, talk, music, television, everything becomes part of them… like it or not.

So what is our job as the mommy or daddy.  First and foremost… protection , of course.  When we parents decide to bring our baby into this world we give up our rights for the next eighteen to twenty years.  Period.  We no longer come first.  Every single decision we make should be based on what is absolutely BEST for our child.  I did say BEST not what is good.  Lots of things could be good but only one thing is BEST!  In a perfect world we all would do that every time without exception.  But alas none of us are perfect and after all since we are all humans we still have the propensity towards being a bit selfish.

Under the “law of baby protection” I think we first must be aware of what our child is exopsed to and keep the negative stuff to a minimum.  C’mon  you stay at home moms, turn off the dang Soap Operas! 

Let me say something to the daddies now.  I’ve read my share of business books, been to the seminars by all the big named motivational speakers and so on.  Just imagine this… seriously, imagine this.  You are very old and terminally ill.  Can’t you see yourself all wrinkly and kinda hunched over in a chair.. not moving so good.  What do you think you will be thinking at that moment?  Do you think you will be thinking about that deal you almost made?  Do you think you will be  thinking about the mega bucks and nice cars you used to drive?  Not likely.  Most likely you will be thinking about your children… your grandchildren… if you could just have your youth back you would do some things differently.  If you could just be a bit healthier now….  Oh, wouldn’t it be great to be able to spend some one on one time with each of them too let them know how important they are to you, how proud you are.  But it’s too late.  It was more important for you to take that job that kept you on the road most of the time.  You made your kids settle for phone calls, emails and text messages.  You were telling yourself all the time that you were working so hard for the family.   After all who’s going to pay for the nice house and both of the cars?  Right, that’s what’s really important.  The nice house and both cars.  You can’t honestly think that… do you?

Granted, we all need a place to lay our heads and transportation is a must in today’s society.  But daddies don’t sacrifice being with their family for the sake of their career.  Fathers do.  In my opinion there is a big difference between a daddy and a father.  Daddies are the ones that are there day in and day out.  Daddies play an active role in nurturing their children.  That’s right I said NURTURING !  Daddies teach their kids that it’s okay to make mistakes… if you learn from them.  Daddies especially admit to their kids that “Daddy screwed up, I am so sorry.  I will do my best to make sure that I never do that again.”  Daddies teach, fathers preach. 

Fathers aren’t around much and since they aren’t around much they feel the guilt inside and try to make up for lost time when they are home.  Consequently (unconciously) they find themselves doing one of  two things.  Either being overly permissive (that’s rare unless we are talking about a divorced father).  But more likely they are heavy handed with the discipline.  After all the father has to show the mommy that he loves her by really “taking care of things” when he is home.  What a jerk fathers are.

Ladies, girls, mommies, let me ask you this.  How many daddies did you see at that last child’s birthday party?  I can’t tell you how many times I was the only daddy at these parties… even when it wasn’t my kids party!  I have noticed, however, since we have our “new kids” that I do see one or two more daddies at thes functions.  But still it’s like eighty percent moms.  You know, Saturday morning the fathers have more important things to do.  The grass really needs to be cut and after all when was the last time they went golfing with the guys?  He’ll try to be home about the same time you guys get back from the party… take your time.

 

Where in the world have all the daddies gone?!

You can’t wear that!

This morning our little guy was getting dressed for school.  He wanted to wear a nice sweater that is designated “church clothes.”

I just don’t get it.  I mean, what’s the big deal if a kid wants to wear something nicer than usual?  I know, I know, nicer clothes cost more and all but c’mon…

When we decided to adopt these two little kids I made a conscious decision to do some things differently.  One of them was too not sweat the small stuff.  I think if a kid wants to wear an orange shirt with plaid pants, white socks and red tennis shoes… What’s the big deal?  So the kids looks funny. 

We want our children to express themselves except for when they dress themselves (now when they get to be teens I will have a say on how the little girl dresses).

However, one of the most important things I consciously/deliberately decided when we decided to adopt our “new kids.” Is to pick my “battles” carefully.  5:40 a.m. is not the time to begin a skirmish, much less a battle!

We are going to need to have a(nother) discussion about what is really important and what is not.